Understanding Battaland

Battaland. A country that can be found on every map, but is often neglected due to the International Zayonist Conspiracy.

Now let's look at the intricate history of this area. The Capital City of Battaland is Quacbec. This is the city from where Battaleon rules. Battaland was first settled by ducks thousands of years ago. The Bourbon dynasty came to power in the early 1500s, ruling with absolute power until Battalouis XVI.

By that time the ducks had enough with the high taxes, lack of corn and restrictions of the King. For example, Battaland is known as the land of 1001 lakes. Swania is known as the land of 1001 problems. There was a tax on going to the lakes of Battaland which really upset the Battas.

So in 1792, the ducks stormed the Quacstille, an arsenal and prison of Battalouis XVI. The king and his wife, Marine Antionette, fled for safety out of Quacbec. They didn't think they could make it all the way to Canarda. They wanted to go to Londonistan in Swania, then take a plane to Canarda, where they could remain safely.

Battalouis D'Or

Unfortunately, however, Battalouis XVI and his wife Marine decided to stop ---just before the border with Swania -- for a few breakfast pastries. The baker thought Battalouis looked familiar. Then, Battalouis paid with a gold coin, a Battalouis D'Or. Such a coin, especially gold, was never seen in those days. And the baker recognized Battalouis's image on the coin! So he immediately called on the local militia and Battalouis XVI, and Marine his wife, were executed in Quacbec as part of the rein of terror.

After three years of executions and tribunals, a general named Battaleon was elected consul of Battaland. He decided to end the tribunals and take power as the Rais (or leader) of Quacbec. In 1810 he crowned himself as emperor. Battaleon is the current ruler of Quacbec.

To the South of Battaland is Swania, which is a kingdom. Swania is mostly desert and is home to many bedouin ducks, known as geese. The ruling family are large geese known as Swans. The monarchy was founded by Abdel-Azaz Al-Swanoud. He united the different provinces, south of Iraq, east of Egypt & sudan (which are next to Umrika) and north of Yemen.

Abdel-Aziz Al Swanoud with Counsel of Geese

Swania is a very strict monarchy, but allows many privileges for its loyal citizens. Including free education, free healthcare, and free corn. However, there are not many lakes in the arid Swania. There is oil, which the Umrikan government has made a big deal with the Swanians. Umrika exchanges massive loads of corn for oil. Petroleum. They are close allies.

To the north is North Battaland. This has a very interesting story. Once upon a time, there were 2 brothers from Pyongquack, Donald and Ronald Duck. They came to Umrika and wanted to share their amazing way of cooking. For you see, Donald and Ronald invented the hamburger. Now, originally, the brothers opened up one restaurant in western Umrika. It became so popular that they introduced a popular Quacbec food known as french fries to compliment the burgers.

Part of the culture in Pyongquack is to entertain diners. Something unheard of in Umrika. So when people came to eat hamburgers, Ronald Duck would cook and Donald Duck would entertain them with jokes and sketch comedy. When Donald Duck would cook, Ronald Duck would dress up as a clown and enlighten the kids. Ronald was happy...but Donald wanted something more....and he got it.

In the late 1930s, a Hollywood producer came inside the restaurant. He saw Donald making his jokes and entertaining children and said -- hey, how would you like a job in the moving pictures? Donald, being a poor short-hand cook from Pyongquack, did not know what motion pictures were, but he accepted the offer.

Donald was an immediate hit. The money began pouring in. Donald arranged for his brother, Ronald Duck, to take center stage as the face of their burger industry and started to open more firms across the country. Donald made his first million in 1939, right before the outbreak of the Second World War.

In those days, most Hollywood people supported Adolf Quackler and saw him as an innovator for Europe. However, Donald kept his distance as a patriot. When Umrika eventually declared war on Adolf Quackler, Donald was hailed as a sensation. His stardom skyrocketed and his salary went up trifold while most of hollywood were seen as traitors.

Donald appeared in several war pictures, and maintained his popularity through the 1950s. At this time, Rondald & Donald had the most successful franchise of food in the country and started to expand internationally. However, Donald began to go crazy. All the money he made....it was not good enough. He was a billionaire and was raking in over $3,000,000,000 annually with his restaurant business as well. His face was the msot recognized face in Umrika.


Donald missed Pyongquack. He decided to buy it, and much of the coastline between Quacbec and the Atlantic ocean. He named his own private country North Battaland.

Quickly, Donald built up statues of himself. Some over a hundred feet high. His original idea was to build the country into a successful enterprise, like an amusement park. With fast cars, monorails, new technologies and progress. It was at this time that Donald revealed his devout communistic views, which he had kept secret since the 1930s. This was one of the reasons why he was so outspoken against fascism in the world.

As the billionaire head of a new nation of eager individuals and limitless resources, North Battaland was becoming a gem in the world. Donald built up infrastructure, planned farming and design of multi-tenanted futuristic apartment buildings. He was a visionary.

Originally, the people were excited...but then, Donald went insane. No matter what Donald did, everyone remembered him as a comedian. Everyone wanted to see his movies and laugh at him -- and Donald could not take it any longer. He was so upset to see himself being laughed at on television and in the films that he took away all televisions from North Battaland. He started building up a military. One solely loyal to him. And finally, he gathered up thousands of happy citizens and sent them to death camps, saying "Now let's see them laugh at me!"

Donald at a screening of one of his many films

But it was no use. Tourists would come from all over the world to see their beloved comedian, Donald. This was too much. donald blocked off the borders, and locked up Pyongquack. He has subjected his country to a doctrine of new rules that declare him as the infinite Glorious Quack, who will rule forever. His picture is everywhere. And he has made many threats to create war with other countries.

In 2000, and a multi-billionaire, Donald allowed his brother Ronald to buy him out of the burger business for $575,000,000,000. With this money, Donald was able to purchase a nuclear weapon and had his scientists disassemble it to learn how to build their own nuclear weapons.

Donald being worshipped by North Battaland

Donald has become a recluse amongst society, hardly ever emerging except for the annual "Hail Donald" parade where he is celebrated as the greatest and most meaningful duck to the history of the world.