Brazil Convicts 13 German Soccer Players at Second Round of "Nuremberg" Trials

German Soccer Players on Trial for "War Crimes"

At yesterday's World Cup match between Germany and Brazil, the score ended 7-1 in Germany's favor. It was a blitzkrieg. Brazilian fans were in uproar and completely shocked by the brutal German play against their team. Early this morning, Brazilian diplomats filed a War Crimes charge at the UN.

In addition, local police rounded up 13 players from the German team and immediately put them before a judge in a Brazilian court.

When the judge asked how the German team plead against their charges, he assured them that he had indeed seen video footage of their crimes. In fact, the 90 minute long tape only needed to be watched for the first 30 minutes to see how atrocious the Germans' acts against Brazil were. Given the horrific nature of the video, the judge would not allow it to be played publicly in the court room...and even in his chambers he required a paramedic standing by.

The German Soccer Team

Klose, undoubtedly one of the higher-ranking field marshals, stood up and proudly accepted responsibility for the charges that he massacred the Brazilians yesterday. He was joined by his compatriots in an avowed claim to Brazilian tragedy. With great effort to hold back his rage, the Brazilian judge announced the death penalty for all players, and to be hanged as soon as the World Cup could end.

Fortunately for the German team, a string of good luck unfolded. After such a humiliating lose, Brazilians en masse rallied behind their brothers who protested the World Cup coming to Brazil from the beginning. 30,000,000,000 Reis were spent on soccer -- instead of on schools and hospitals and public needs. Upset and taking the law into their own hands, the protesters set fire to the court house, the German team narrowly escaping.

After this, the UN rejected the Brazilian ambassador's motion for a war crimes tribunal filed against the German team. And so, at this moment, the German team will be allowed to play out until the end of the World Cup. After which, the team will have their Visas dishonored and they will have a lifetime prohibition ever to return to Brazil.