Battastan Welcomes Zain!

Zain 

Although Ayatollah Ali Quackmeini has banned music and television from Battastan because of their status as "evil western tools of zayonism" the Ayatollah has not allowed that ban to infringe on himself. Ali Quackmeini has kept up listening to music, and is apparently the biggest fan of the pop-band One Direction.

Ayatollah Quackmeini

That's right. The head of the theocracy of Battastan is also the president of the One Direction fan club in Battastan.

On May 20th, the Ayatollah personally wrote to Zain and invited him to come to Londonistan for a private concert at his palace. At first, Zain's agents thought this was a joke. But as the letters kept persisting, sometimes coming with gifts from the Ayatollah -- such as perfume, chocolate, and the Holy Book of Gees3a signed by the Ayatollah himself.

Eventually, trying to see who this prankster was, called the number that the Ayatollah begged Zain would call...and the Battastani secretary of defense answered the phone!

Thinking this was a joke, the secretary of defense called out Zain's agent and threatened them never to call back. When the Ayatollah inquired as to who was on the phone, the secretary of defense replied "it's One Direction."

Immediately, the Ayatollah pushed his defense secretary out of the way and grabbed Zain's agent just before hanging up. He invited them to come to Battastan for a concert in the capital city of Londonistan, first class and all expenses paid for.

Zain's agent accepted on his behalf, and finally -- on July 25th -- Zain arrived in Battastan to an official state parade. The Ayatollah Quackmeini bowed before Zain and begged him to autograph his turban -- which of course Zain accepted, and proceeded to a $1billion concert stadium with a gold stage. This stage was built entirely for the purpose of One Direction coming to Battastan. Which has long been the dream of Ayatollah Quackmeini.

The concert was held in the evening, and radio was briefly returned to the people of Battastan. Zain sang all of the Ayatollah's favorites, a concert lasting 4 hours. At the end, the Ayatollah welcomed Zain to return to Battastan anytime he would like --and he was given honorary citizenship.