Battarouge : We Recognize Geeseal

Ben Geeson

In an attempt of international defense, the neighbors of Geeseal recognize it and welcome diplomatic embassies and have made exchanges with the capital of Tela Quack.

Battaland was the first to recognize Geeseal, now Louisiana has come on board. Dave Jefferson said that "the most important of all things is that a different people should be free and masters of their own destiny." Dave Jefferson is certain Louisiana and Geeseal will get along well and build relationships with one another.

President Ben Geeson stated also that they admire Louisiana's own bout for independence and are very happy to have a close and like-minded ally nearby.

Umrika and Canarda have both established missions with Geeseal, however after hearing Louisianan president come forward, the honorable Canardic Prime Minister Stefan Trumpeter issued a statement confirming his support for Geeseal. Trumpeter has proposed legislation in the parliament of Canarda to accept Geeseal into the international community and begin formal diplomatic and nationalistic relations.

The Umrikan mission for now is sufficient according to Vice President Joe Bidwell. Of course, Umrika has been trying to mend relations with Ayatollah Quackmeini and negotiate over the oil fields. The White House in Hollywood has adamantly been seeking a solution here and is more focused on working out terms with Quackmeini than building diplomatic ties with Geeseal.

"We would like to work with Umrika," said Ben Geeson, "we are in the process of developing a lot of technologies that will change the way the world will work. I am anticipating discussing things in Hollywood."

On the ulterior side of things, Donald Duck Un of North Battaland reached out to Ben Geeson of Geeseal as well. Un admitted that under the rule of his great-grandfather Donald, there were established a lot of tensions. But possibly, as a both new leaders, North Battaland could have an ally at last."

Donald Duck Un

Donald Duck Un is understood by the CIQuack to be continuing his great-grandfather's support of the Mujahaquack and Quackeed Al-Zahbatta against the Ayatollah -- who is also a mutual enemy of Geeseal.

Right now, Ben Geeson has booked travel tickets to Battarouge on invitation of Dave Jefferson and will begin discussions on how the two nations can work further together.

Batta Ki Moon Visits Geeseal

Batta Ki Moon was demanded of, by Ayatollah Quackmeini, to visit and inspect the "militant and evil westernist geese in NoBattaLand". The Ayatollah reported crimes against humanity were being committed and that the Geeseali Defense Forse was targeting schools.

Downtown Tela Quack

The UN Secretary General arrived at Tela Quack, the capital city of Geeseal built in NoBattaLand, to find a magnificent futuristic city had been built.

"When I think of Battastan, I think of desert and 3rd world poverty," said Batta Ki Moon shocked at the developments of the geese living here. He met with Ben Geeson, and the two settled for a lunch atop a roof garden on the 22nd floor of an undisclosed building in Tela Quack.

"Look, we ourselves are geese. Our story is that we were displaced and could not get along with the policies of the Ayatollah. We took refuge in Battaland, and were put to genocide by Marine LeQuac. We bought this land from Battaleon -- land that never belonged to Battastan -- and now we are developing our cities."

When asked about why the Geeseali army was targeting schools, Ben Geeson replied "we did not put the rockets and ammunition inside the school. That was Quackmeini. If Quackmeini is so concerned with losing a school, why does he put weapons there? I would also have you know that we destroyed the weapons at night just to avoid such a circumstance as harming children."

Batta Ki Moon

Batta Ki Moon also spoke with Battaleon about the matter. Battaleon was outraged that sanctions were even being considered by the UN against Geeseal. In his opinion, Geeseal are the most humane and peaceful country in the region -- stating that the genocide as committed even here in Battaland against the geese would not even be considered by the Geesealis.

Batta Ki Moon agreed with Battaleon and said that anyone with logic will see that Quackmeini is an aggressor and intolerant of all except strict traditional Gees3a 3ali. But the UN's job is to investigate world claims, "Trust me, Battaleon. This is nonsense. But my hands are tied. I need to at least explore the possibility."

Batta Ki Moon is himself a displaced refugee of Pyongquack. His parents narrowly escaped the wrath of Donald by seeking refuge out of North Battaland only months before Donald revoked all visas and rights of North Battaland to travel outside the country.

Geseal Will Not Tolerate Attacks from Quackmeini

Ayatollah Ali Quackmeini

The Ayatollah Quackmeini has met with a further, and more crushing defeat in northern Battastan. As he attempted to fire rockets at the Geesealis, in Geeseal, the unexpected happened.

The Geesealis just want to build a thriving community in peace. Ayatollah Quackmeini claims that the land belongs to Battastan and he will take it in the name of the Mujaquackdin and the Holy Book of Geese which claims this land to Gees3a 3ali.

At first, thinking that the geese of Geeseal would be like Battaland or Umrika, Quackmeini figured they stood no chance against the mighty Mujaquackdin and attacked with 12,500 soldiers.

But the Geesealis proved to be a lot tougher than that. They did not allow the Mujaquackdin to defeat them in battle or conquer their land that they bought. Over 12,000 of the Mujaquackdin perished in war.

After this, Ayatollah Quackmeini figured that the westernized geese will utilize their intellect, and be passive. He figured they would be wishing to negotiate treaties, and it would be just a matter of time until he could destroy them and take their land.

Ben Geeson

But the Geesealis proved to be a lot more clever than that. Ar'ar is the only city in northern Battastan, which meets desert in the south until the oasis of Londonistan. When Quackmeini started launching rockets from Ar'ar into Geeseal, the Geesealis would not take it.

Being geese themselves, many from Londonistan, several Geesealis were able to infiltrate the Mujaquackdin at Ar'ar and find out where the ammunition was being stored. Unfortunately, it was in a school. And in the night, so no children would be around, the Geeseali intelligence agents set fire to the school. The rockets launched off all at once and set over a huge destruction -- killing the entire neighborhood as well as damaging buildings nearby.

The Mujaquackdin, ashamed of being defeated by non-traditional geese that study science, they lined up all the people of Ar'ar. Women and children included, and killed them all in gunfire so that no witness could reveal how the army of the Holy Gees3a 3ali lost. The Mujaquackdin abandoned the city and returned to Londonistan.

The Geeseali army came to Ar'ar the next morning to fight the Mujaquackdin and found the residents of Ar'ar dead. It was a tragedy. Ben Geeson was informed and said "we take a moment to pause building our homes in Geeseal to see the tragedy that has befallen our fellow living beings at Ar'ar. We understand, as geese ourselves, that the Mujaquackdin are manipulated to think that what they do is right. And we must forgive them for killing our sons. But we cannot forgive ourselves for the Mujaquackdin killing their own sons. It is these lives, lost due to our attempts to defeat them, that has led the Mujaquackdin to murder their own sons."

In order to prevent further attacks, and with the desert keeping Londonistan far away, the Geesealis have decided to take control of Ar'ar and modernize the city as well as utilize its resources to build a better world. The Geeseali army is now putting to rest the murdered residents of Ar'ar in a city smoking with shrapnel.

Ayatollah Ali Quackmeini called on the UN Secretary General, Batta Ki Moon, to go to Geeseal and sanction them for violations of international law. Quackmeini claims that Geeseal bombed a school in Ar'ar because they love to target children.

Ben Geeson retorted that the reason the school was exploded was because it was being housed by Quackmeini as a weapons arsenal, and it was done at night to ensure no children were hurt. Ben Geeson also stated that the Mujaquackdin executed the entire population of Ar'ar the next day.

Quackmeini Invades - Geeseal Victorious!

Only moments ago an army of 12,500 of the Mujaquackdin under orders from Ayatollah Quackmeini invaded NoBattaLanda also known now as Geeseal.

The 300,000 Geese in Geeseal stood their ground and opened attack on the Mujaquackdin. Perhaps a miracle, but over 12,000 of the Mujaquackdin died and the remaining few hundred fled back for their lives.

Geeseal - A Nation is Born

To the delight and surprise of Battaleon, these geese who have been through so much, have survived the invasion of the Mujaquackdin and crippled the army of Ayayollah Quackmeini.

Ben Geeson said, "We have held out against the invader. Perhaps now we can build our country in peace."

But, the Ayatollah has other plans in mind. Quackmeini has invested in moving several brigades of the Mujaquackdin to the city of Ar'ar in northern Battastan. From here it is believed that they will fire rockets down and try desperately to hinder construction and growth of the geese living in Geeseal.

To keep things in perspective, most of these Geese were born in Londonistan. They were academics and elites, as well as the impoverished, and lived peacefully there for generations under the Mamlukum of Al-Sw3anoud. However, after a brief period of prosperity came with Saquack Hussein, the Umrikan government was tricked by Donald Duck into thinking that Saquack was hiding weapons of mass destruction in the Ad-Damman region. The Umrikan army proceeded to take out Saquack in a coup, which paved the way for the ultra-religious Mujahaquack and Mujaquackdin to conquer the country. The latter of which came to power under leadership of Ayatollah Ali Quacmeini.

The Mujaquackdin has been at war suppressing the smaller terrorist group, the Mujahaquack, in the south which is led by Quackeed Al-Zahbatta. Al-Zahbatta received most of his funding from the recently deceased Donald Duck. Al-Zahbatta has kept out of Londonistan, due to the guarantee from Donald that he would fire a nuclear missile into the city unless Ayatollah Quackmeini abdicated to Al-Zahbatta.

Unfortunately, when Donald launched a nuclear warhead from Pyongquack, it malfunctioned. In the explosion, Donald lost his life and his great-grandson Donald Duck Un came to power.

During the recent war between Marine LeQuac and the allied Canardic and Umrikan armies, North Battaland and Battastan stood on the sidelines. Battarouge was formally recognized as independent by every nation except for Umrika. And the geese who survived "Jour Nouveau" were gathered to dmeilitarized NoBattaLand which they bought from Battaleon and declared to be the independent state of Geeseal.

Quackmeini has, from this point, taken to his armies and pledged that the geese in NoBattaLand will perish

Ayatollah Quackmeini : "If the Geese Settle in NoBattaLand, We Will Kill Them ALL"

Ayatollah Ali Quackmeini

Fighting words from the theocratic leader of Battastan.

After Battaleon pledged to move the victims of Marine LeQuac's 'Jour Nouveau' genocide to NoBattaLand, Ayatollah Quackmeini released a video response. In the heated video, Quackmeini demanded Battaleon not to sell the land to those modern geese as they are traitors by participating with the western philosophies of science and democracy.

Quackmeini stated that NoBattaLand belongs to Battastan. It always belonged to Battastan and is the location of a holy religious place to Gees3a 3ali long ago. He sites this in the passage from the Holy Book of Geese "An Gees3a 3ali went northwards from thy desert." This passage, according to Quackmeini, proves that NoBattaLand has always belonged to Battastan.

Battaleon responded that;

"Historically, this land belonged to Battaland. It was part of the kingdom of Battalouis, as well as Battalouisiana -- now the independent country of Louisiana. Only recently in the early 1980s, in an international and nuclear dispute with North Battaland, this land was negotiated to become a demilitarized international zone monitored by the UN. The UN neglected the land. Battastan was founded only a few months ago by Saquack Hussein after ousting the Swan king, Abdel Aziz Al-Sw3anoud. The Mujaquackdin and leadership of Ayatollah Quackmeini came into power even after that!"

Quackmeini then responded; "History means nothing when the Holy Book of Geese tells all. This land belongs to Battastan and we will conquer it. All the geese living there are traitors for accepting science and democracy. We shall see to it that they all perish."

The geese in NoBattaLand have started to build protective infrastructure, dreading the impending invasion from Battastan. Unfortunately, Battaland cannot lend any soldiers, especially since they just were decimated from the allied armies of Umrika and Canarda. Battaleon fears that the Ayatollah may decimate Geeseal.

Jour Nouveau - Aftermath of Genocide

After returning to power, Emperor Battaleon examined the full extent of Marine LeQuac's plan of Jour Nouveau. Originally believed to be a political agenda for change in Quacbec targeting the immigrant and refugee geese, Jour Nouveau revealed itself to be a masterminded plan of genocide. Genocide that is responsible for the deaths of an incalculable amount of geese.

At this point, 21 death camps have been found in the countryside, all containing geese and outspoken political opponents of Marine LeQuac or the monarchy of Battalouis XVIII. Between 300,000 geese survived and are in shockingly malnourished conditions.

Ben Geeson & Battaleon

"We were ordered to work until death," said one of the survivors. "The guards had no mercy. When the Umrikan army was nearby, we were forced to march to another death camp. The guards rode on motorcycles to the back of the line and shot any stragglers."

Battaleon was devastated to hear that such a horror could happen in a first world country like Battaland. Battaleon announced:

"Marine LeQuac has been executed for War Crimes and Crimes Against Humanity. But knowing only now just the extent of her murderous responsibility against the geese, I can say no further words beyond shame on us. Battaland is a land established in liberty.

And here we stand with blood on our hands for electing that villain. We allowed our prejudice to manifest into a terrorist. I have met with the leader of the geese, Ben Geeson, and he has a dream. A dream of a city for the displaced geese that have landed here and survived this genocide."

Battaleon proposed to move the displaced geese to NoBattaLand, and establish the land as an independent country. Battaleon annexed NoBattaLand to his kingdom -- formerly a demilitarized zone -- after the Mujaquackdin violated international law and began attacking Quacbec from there.

Ben Geeson, moved by the kindness of Battaleon has proposed to buy the land from him for $20,000,000 ($20,000 bLouis d'or) which Battaleon accepted as a measure of good faith. The displaced geese include some of the most intelligent and highly reputable academics and scholars of Battastan before the theocratic rule of Ayatollah Quackmeini came into place.

"We will build a modern city, full of ideas and growth to establish the brightest of futures for our children." Said Ben Geeson, who established Geeseal on NoBattaLand on this very day as a land with the liberty, equality and brotherhood of Battaland but among the geese.

Marine LeQuac & Battalouis XVIII Guilty of War Crimes

Battalouis XVIII - War Crimes Trial

Jour Nouveau, the policy of Marine LeQuac enacted to clean up immigration within Quacbec has been ruled, by an international tribunal, as a crime against humanity. Marine, and with the authority of Battalouis XVIII, set up death camps for the scheduled genocide of geese which had sought refuge in Quacbec.

An independent investigation discovered over 300,000 geese in starved and near-death conditions in 13 different camps located throughout the countryside of Battaland. The camps had primal conditions and forced the geese to work, and when they began to produce nothing they were put to death.

"Look," said Marine, "these immigrants came to take advantage of our country. I only made a fair system where they could work for receiving benefits."

But judges were not buying it. They declared in their charges that Marine maliciously went after the geese based only on the fact of their ethnicity, and incited the whole of Quacbec against them. The next matter of accusation was that Marine LeQuac under supervision of Battalouis XVIII invaded neighboring Canarda and imprisoned the Prime Minister, Stefan Trumpeter.

Lastly, and following the initial war crimes count, Marine LeQuac was accused of pillaging and destroying Toronto for the gain of Battaland, and confiscated all the gold from the banks as well as priceless artwork from museums. Marine was also accused of destroying bridges.

Marine sat silently alongside Battalouis as the verdict was read to them:

"And we, the International Tribunal, find Marine LeQuac and Battalouis XVIII, both guilty of three counts of War Crimes. Sentence punishable by hanging, and to be executed immediately.

On the count of Crimes against Humanity, as charged against Marine LeQuac, we find her guilty as charged. We find that she abused her position in power over Battaland to racially discriminate against a certain section of the population and genocide. We order that she be executed by hanging, immediately."

Marine blurted out "THE GEESE! They did this to me! Don't you all see!?! The Geese planned this the whole time! Those dirty birds tricked me to try to kill them all, just so they could see me hang!"

Marine was quickly silenced by the guards as she struggled to make further anti-immigrant and anti-geese comments.

As reporters scrambled to get a comment, the two were taken out by the guards of the tribunal. They were masked and hanged until dead in the gallows. Marine LeQuac was pronounced dead at 3:46, and Battalouis at 3:52.

Marine in Custody - War Ends - Battaleon Victorious!

With news that the Allied armies of Umrika, Canarda, and the Grande Army under direction of Battaleon were surrounding Quacbec the streets became filled with ducks no longer afraid of the police control implemented by Marine’s Jour Nouveau. The street mob grew and grew until it could no longer be controlled by police, and began to take civil rule.

The mob came into the parliament building and arrested the members of EN-UF and those in coalition with EN-UF. They found Marine upstairs hiding at her desk and took her as a prisoner. The mob the went to the Quackstille prison and freed the many political prisoners inside there. One such prisoner is the beloved Canardic Prime Minister, Stefan Trumpeter.

After storming the Quackstille prison, a tradition among Quacbec's revolutions, the mob marched on to Versailles and put king Battalouis XVIII under arrest. Battalouis and Marine LeQuac were presented to the allies, and to Battaleon, in a plea for mercy and that they may no longer be disgraced by these politicians.

Battaleon accepted the surrender, and resumed his role as Emperor of Battaland.

Marine LeQuac was escorted out in chains and taken to Hollywood where she will be put on trial for war crimes, as well as crimes against humanity for her attempted genocide of the geese that took refuge in Battaland. Battalouis XVIII and several high profile members of EN-UF will also be put on trial for warcrimes. 

Marine LeQuac

Toronto Falls; Marine Refuses to Surrender

Allies Surround Quacbec

After a successful airstrike over Toronto, the Umrikan army and Battaleon entered the bombed out city for emancipation. The EN-UF command surrendered, however, the soldiers of the Grande Army begged to join up with Battaleon and fight with him against Marine LeQuac.

Battaleon accepted their offer, and once again the Grande Army marches under the tri-colour.

Likewise, the army of Vancouver took down the main part of EN-UF forces in Canarda at an area deemed to be "the bulge". Over 30,000 soldiers surrendered to the forces in Vancouver. With Toronto and the countryside under allied control, Canarda has re-established itself and awaits rescue of its beloved Prime Minister Stefan Trumpeter.

Battaleon has been put in command of the Umrikan, Canardic and Grande Army forces to which he navigated through Battaland to Quacbec. Marine has refused to surrender and, in her first address in months, announced that Quacbec would stand and fight until every last bit of luxury burned!

Battaleon

Of course, to Battaleon and the allies, Quacbec is far too beautiful, artistic and luxurious a city to see destroyed. An airstike or bombing is out of the question. "Marine is vicious and clever enough to deceive the people," said Battaleon, "but to her advantage Quacbec is too luxurious a city for anyone to destroy it. We will lose hundreds of years of culture and fine arts."

Allies Take Control of St. Laurent

While the army of Vancouver is fighting against the majority of the forces of EN-UF in Canarda, the Umrikans have made a stunning take. Diplomats brokered a ceasefire between Louisiana and Umrika, in exchange, Louisiana allowed Umrikan forces to make an amphibian landing on the Atlantic side south of Battaland.

Umrikan Army Surrounds Toronto

Meeting with little resistance the soldiers marched forward until meeting with EN-UF soldiers at the mouth of the St. Laurent River. However, Battaleon instinctively led a band of resistance to the other end of the St. Laurent and together the forces took over the EN-UF stronghold. 

From here the Umrikan forces surrounded Toronto which has been subject to heavy devastation from the EN-UF soldiers. Shelling from within the city has been hitting the countryside where the soldiers of Umrika and Battaleon are encamped.

Battaleon believes that the only way to render an expedient victory is to have an air-raid on the city of Toronto. The Umrikan government has complied and plans are underway only because it is understood to be necessary to receive the surrender of EN-UF.

EN-UF Prisoners at St. Laurent

Louisianan president, Dave Jefferson applaudes Umrika for the ceasefire and hopes to work with Battaleon and the Umrikans to a future of unity and shared commerce.

From prison, Canardian Prime Minister Stefan Trumpeter has released a message stating that he is well and is hoping to meet with the allied forces soon at the Quackstille prison

Allies Make Astounding Leads over EN-UF Forces in Canarda

EN-UF Retreats

While Marine has been demolishing Toronto, the Grande Army has met with substantial force haltering further advancement to Vancouver. In fact, the Canardian army of Vancouver in alliance with the Umrikan forces have pushed back the forces of EN-UF.

Although the annexation of Canarda has been only a recent development, the destruction left behind by the Grande Army is significant. Tank tracks and remnants of explosions have destructed the countryside. While casualties outside Toronto have been minimal, the army has left its mark on the environment.

"We found tank tracks plowing through fences of countryside farms and the livestock 10 kilometers away." stated Major Ludwig Barwood of the Vancouver Army, "we find that our childhood homes and farms are empty and have been pillaged by the forces of EN-UF. It has been leaving us in tears."

One particular extension of the Grande Army sits in a bulge, blocking off the Vancouver army and hindering further advancement. This is a compilation of tanks and ground force soldiers. However, the Umrikan army has come from around and is currently placed as an undetected force behind the bulge of EN-UF soldiers.

Should this area, known as "the bulge" by Allied High Command be defeated, the Umrikan and Vancouver armies will have no opposition on their way to Toronto. From here. the Umrikan army over Holylwood and a unit commanded by former emperor Battaleon will surround and blockade Toronto.

With Toronto freed, Canarda can begin its re-establishment as a country, and the Allies will march onwards to Quacbec.

Umrika Secures Vancouver Line As War Worsens

Marine

Marine LeQuac secured her annexation of Canarda, much to the dismay and chagrin of the international community. Umrika quickly amassed an army at the lines of the Canarda-Umrika border and has fortified the city. The UN issued the following statement:

"We highly think that Marine LeQuac should stop what she is doing. Her tanks are transmitting too much gas into the O-Zone layer" -- the UN

The city of Vancouver has established an independent government and is now acting as representative of Canarda. The Umrika army immediately came to the aid of the city and is likely to move deep into Canarda to meet with Toronto on both sides and reclaim it for Quacbec.

The Grande Army of Marine LeQuac has been further advancing across now conquered Canarda. It is unclear, but expected, that Marine will attempt an attack on Hollywood. Should the Umrikan capital fall to Marine, there is very little hope that Umrika will stand as a viable opponent to Battaland.

Marine Annexes Canarda

The other two logical targets are Vancouver -- the new, yet weak, capital of Canarda -- and Alamo City in Umrika. However, these targets are only logical if Marine is seeking to expand Battaland.

In an address this morning Marine said that she will see to the destruction and dismantling of Toronto. "As part of the next phase of Jour Nouveau, we must take a close examination of Toronto. We must see to it that Toronto remain primitive for the next one-hundred years. I shall accomplish this by disintegrating and demolishing the city. And we shall confiscate all the luxuries for us, the Quacbecois!"

Marine has begun bombing factories located in the city, as well as sinking bridges. She has also ordered the bank vaults confiscated and gold shipments have been on their way to Quacbec.

The museums have also been raided by Marine, who has taken some of the fine artwork back to Quacbec for the king and citizens there. One of the looted paintings includes Canarda's most famous one ---La Giaquacda.

La Giaquacda, known popularly as the Mouna Quacsa, was painted by the famous Italish artist known as Leonardo Quacvinci in the 1500s. It was said to be his best work, and one that the painter carried with him across all his journeys. It was a gift to Henzollen Castle and the Imperial House of Canarda in the 1730s, and in the 1880s the painting was moved to a fine art museum in Toronto for all the citizens to see it.

Mouna Quacsa - Leonardo Quacvinci

The painting is described as having a mysterious aspect to it. Perhaps a secret. It is thought that the Mouna Quacsa is hiding something, or is looking at something in particular. Perhaps of great significance to history.

Battalouis XVIII rejoiced at having this famous work adorning itself in his palace, Versailles, in Quacbec.

Marine has also begun to fire rockets at the aircraft carriers in the Atlantic ocean near Battaland. She has been fighting to keep trade flowing with the St. Laurent river.

The Umrikan army just experienced a skirmish near Battarouge, shifting efforts from a secession movement to focusing on the war with Battaland. There is silence coming from Battastan as well as North Battaland. The latter of which having a new leader for the first time in over 70 years!

The Forgotten War : Louisiana

While Umrika has deployed a military force to liberate Canarda and take down Marine LeQuac and Battalouis XVIII, the citizens of Louisiana have once again been pushed off from the main attention of the media.

The glamorous military campaigns and blockade of the St. Laurent River have taken attention in the last few days. The annexation of Canarda by Marine LeQuac, and the independent declaration of Vancouver have received coverage and attention. However, Louisiana was just recently engulfed in a civil war to declare themselves independent. The casualties and conflict have been turned a blind eye.

Louisianans Mourn Fallen Comrades

After Dave Jefferson announced that Battarouge and all of Louisiana territory seceded themselves from Umrika, Vice President Joe Bidwell responded that the Umrikan government would not allow any province to secede and deployed three aircraft carriers to the Atlantic above Battarouge.

At first, President Jefferson thought this was an intimidation tactic only. However, small aircraft began reconnaissance over Battarouge and eventually bombed the airport --this is the only airport in all of Louisiana. At this point Dave Jefferson announced his outrage and assembled a militia force in precedence of establishing a regular army.

Dave Jefferson - First President of Lousiana

Joe Bidwell, seeing that Dave Jefferson would not give up, then had an invasion force of 5,000 marines land and take to Battarouge. The plan was to capture the city and arrest Dave Jefferson putting an end to the secession.

However, about 45 minutes away from Battarouge, on the lands of a farm known as Manassaw, the marines met with resistance. General Cornwall Jackson who had assembled a militia of Louisianans ambushed the marines.


In a blood bath, 4,300 marines were killed and 600 taken prisoner. Of the Lousiana militia -- consisting of 12,000 men -- 2,603 were killed. General Cornwall Jackson himself was shot in the right arm, but should heal up quickly. He has since been awarded the Medal of Merit and promoted to commander of all the forces of Battarouge.

It was, however, a devastating blow for Louisianans. Battarouge was in mourning for their heroes, however, Umrika turned its attentions out towards the threat of Battaland to the north. It is thought that Marine LeQuack has secretly been sending weapons to Battarouge as a way to defy Umrika.

General Cornwall Jackson

Dave Jefferson stated that he wants no open quarrel but peace with Umrika and Battaland. They are a small country that is just too different to remain part of the Umrikan empire. Joe Bidwell has commented that the matter is "unresolved" however, Dave Jefferson sees Louisiana as an independent country with Battarouge as the capital.

After the battle of Manassaw, the high command of Battarouge and many Louisianans came to pay their respects to the bereaved who fought and died so Louisiana could be independent to self-governance.

Marine LeQuac to Umrika : We Will March on Hollywood

Marine LeQuac

In response to Umrika's declaration of war, Marine LeQuac -- chancellor of Battaland -- announced that this did not scare Quacbec. She further announced that the Grande Army would march on to Hollywood and take over the White House.

Umrika has placed several aircraft carriers off the coast of Battaland near the Atlantic. Umrika is also involved in a conflict with Louisiana right now -- that has declared independence.

Marine has announced that Battaland would send aid and supplies to Dave Jefferson, president of Louisiana and Battarouge.

Meanwhile, in Hollywood, Battaleon has formed together a small army and is preparing to run a resistance movement against the forcefulness of Marine LeQuack. Battaleon is convinced that the army is following orders to which they have no will to suffice.

"Marine is manipulating an army that is not hers, into a war that she should not logically want." said Battaleon.

The Quacbec Resistance led by Battaleon is a group of soldiers against Marine and working towards the goal of taking down Marine's iron grip over Battaland. An election that the people regret. Within Quacbec, reports are that there is a curfew at 21:00 hours in which only police can be on the street. Speaking out against Marine or the king is punishable by arrest without trial and sent to a work camp.

Reports of the work camps and disclosure from Battaleon --as well as two parliamentarians-- that these are NOT labor camps at all. But death camps, where the refugees and political prisoners are executed en masse.

If reports like this should be true, Marine's Jour Nouveau would be cause for her to stand trial as to committing 'Crimes Against Humanity' as well as war crime charges for her conquest of Toronto and imprisonment of Prime Minister Stefan Trumpeter.

Battaland Invades Canarda!

After a report came out identifying Battaland rearming itself, as part of Marine LeQuac's Jour Nouveau plan, soldiers were amassing at the Battaland-Canarda border.

Marine LeQuac's Army Headed to Canarda

Within 24 hours of reports circulating that the Grande Army has been moved, shots were fired at the border of Canarda. Tanks were also placed into combat and marched all the way to Toronto. 

Prime Minister Stefan Trumpeter, a righteous leader who did not wish to see his people suffer, surrendered his arms to the EN-UF commander, and to Marine LeQuac in Battaland. The territorial gains have been militarized and the whole of Canardia is assumed to be surrendered to Marine LeQuac.

Umrika, an ardent ally of Canarda, issued a vicious declaration of war and stated that they will not stop until Toronto is back in the hands of Stefan Trumpeter. Trumpeter himself has been locked up in the Quackstille, a famous and historic prison within Quacbec.

Marine challenged Umrika to see fit to their word and that they are only defending the ducks who live in these lands. Marine promised that Umrika could not compete with the war machine of Battaland and the ingenuity of the Grande Army. Battaleon -- who has come to refuge in Hollywood (capital of Umrika) has promised Umrika that if given the chance he will lead the Umrikan forces successfully against Marine LeQuac.

Many in Battaland support Battaleon more now than ever, and regret voting for Marine. "Yes, she cleaned up the immigrants...but we don't want Canarda or a king!" said an anonymous dissenter in Quacbec.

Below is a display of the changes in world relations after Marine's invasion:

World Yesterday

World Now - At War

Marine LeQuac : Camps for Geese are Open!

Marine LeQuac

Marine LeQuac came forward today, as royal chancellor to His Majesty Battalouis XVIII, and addressed the parliament of whom the king has put her in charge. She announced that her solution to the geese immigrant and refugee problem has just been implemented, and the first proposed policy of Jour Nouveau. Geese from Quacbec, and all through Battaland, are now being rounded up and sent to work camps.

While citizens clapped and cheered, a significant community kept silent and met to discuss concerns. Marine LeQuac has built death camps for the immigrants -- not work camps. While against the flight of refugees within Battaland, to send them off to die is not acceptable.

Geese Refugees

Battaleon fled the country this morning. He stated that he recieved word that Marine LeQuac issued a warrant for his arrest. In fact, Marine LeQuac has begun to collect political prisoners as well:

"Fellow Quacbecois. When we stood on the cold streets warning our fellow citizens of the geese, not all accepted our claims. They harassed us and accused us of fabricating the diabolical nature of the the geese. As stage two in Jour Nouveau, these vile geese supporters will be taken to the work camps to enjoy with their precious geese!"

Marine has also taken to policing the streets. The police force in Quacbec is now armed with guns and has orders to arrest and shoot any and all dissidents on site.

This is to ensure order and prevent another crisis from happening in Quacbec, like with the refugees of geese that tortured Battaland society. There has also been an increase in military spending as Battaland, under Chancellor Marine, is re-arming. Marine spend the morning dedicating a new submarine factory --and is scheduled to see the opening of two rocket building factories west of Quacbec.

Labor Camp For Geese

Marine stated that ducks and Quacbecois are oppressed all over the world, and it is unfair that Battaland should do nothing about it. Marine declared that ducks in Canarda are living under Canardic law and not living lives as free ducks. Currently, relations between Umrika, Canarda and Battaland are good and reasonable.

Battalouis XVIII - Welcomed Back to Quacbec

Battalouis XVIII

At long last, after seeking refuge in the United Kingdom after his forced abdication, Battalouis XVIII returned to Quacbec and was coronated by order of the new chancellor Marine LeQuac.

The coronation ceremony was done at the palace of Versailles where Battalouis XVIII had been coronated only a few years before --again at the succession of Battaleon.

However, last time, Battaleon was escorted to a prison on the island of Elba. Now Battaleon resides within Quacbec at the Chateau de Quack, his mansion. Battaleon has not made a comment, but it is believed that there is still tension between him and Battalouis. Of course, many Quacbecois have non-too pleasant memories of the monarchy.

Battalouis has announced that he is pleased to regain the throne. He announced that after long last the rightful heir sits upon the great chair that rules Quacbec. He announced his legitimacy of the government of Marine LeQuac and granted her full authority in the investment of her power to tax the citizens of Quacbec and with all social policies to enact in regards to removing the surplus of geese within the country.

Battalouis has stated that the Battalouis D'Or will resume as the official currency of Battaland. The flag will change from the tri-colour of the republic and revert back to the fleur-de-lis pendant of the Battalouis family.

Marine LeQuac stood beside the king at his coronation. She handed him, blissfully, the first ordinance she wishes to enact. The first act in Jour Nouveau --- the order to send all geese to the death camps of Battaland.

Election Results : Marine LeQuac Wins!

Without a shadow of doubt, election results made it clear that Quacbec wants Marine LeQuac to be the new leader and clean up the country from immigration. 78% of Battaland citizens came out to the polls last night, and 52% voiced their support for Marine LeQuac and the far right policies of EN-UF by voting for her.

Marine LeQuac - "Jour Nouveau" 

Battaleon made an address to his country, stating that he accepts the verdict democratically induced by his people. He is preparing to live a private life in Quacbec in his residence, Chateau de Quack.

In a speech moments after, Marine LeQuack announced her acceptance of the will of the people, and the dawn of a new triumph for the citizens of Quacbec:

"My fellow Quacbecois. I welcome you to join with me in a new day for our city. A Jour Nouveau. One that we will not share with any geese. 

I am pleased to tell you that this threat of geese is soon to be ended. I am happy to report that work camps have been created for these treacherous geese. Now instead of living off us freely, stealing and murdering innocent ducks -- they will be subjected to work. The first of these camps, construction has already started. In 30 days of our Jour Nouveau, the geese will all be rounded up and sent into these work camps and out of our society!

Now the streets will be clean! Now our city will be free! Now the wicked and invasive geese will be destroyed! Now the King can return!"

After all were chanting Heil Marine! Heil Marine! There was a brief pause at the end. Apparently, this was not something discussed by Marine in her campaign. Most Quacbecois have a negative opinion of Battalouis, and had not known this was part of Marine's anti-immigrant agenda. But the voice of die-hard supporters drenched out and contrary thought, decreasing dissent of Marine to a whisper."

Marine has invited back Battalouis XVIII to the throne, and wishes for him to sit as the formal head of government while she runs the country. Part of the Nouveau Jour is to return to previously enstated policies that kept strong nationalism during the rule of Battalouis XVI & prior monarchs.

Battaleon : There Will Be No Citizenship for Refugees

In a response to growing unrest in Battaland against the refugees and immigrants from Londonistan, rumors began to enrage Quacbecois that Battaleon was preparing to offer amnesty to the geese leading up to citizenship.

Battaleon

"It's none-sense," said one disgruntled citizen of Quacbec, "I cannot believe that Battaleon would give citizenship to those refugees! I'm voting for Marine LeQuac because she knows at least how to handle this!"

Marine LeQuac has been rising in popularity, as the polls show the likelihood of electing the far right candidate to power, possibly ousting Battaleon. This was unexpected, as Battaleon received 92% of public support upon his return from Elba earlier this year.

"Marine speaks our language," said another supporter, "Marine understands how Quacbecois think and what we need to form a better society. We cannot support these immigrants, our economy is not designed for it."

Several academics in Quacbec have spoken in opposition of Marine LeQuac. But examples of racism are on the rise against geese in the academic world. At Universitie de Quacbec, geese have all been expelled and status of attendance revoked. The Bank of Quacbec and Battaland Commerce Bank (BCB) have refused to open accounts for geese or loan them money.

Competitor, Banc Populaire has kept lending to geese stating "more customers for us, let the others close their doors."

However, Battaleon did address the people of Quacbec -- perhaps under pressure -- and stated that "Quacbec will not offer citizenship to geese. However, Battaland takes it as a moral responsibility to take in refugees out of tyranny."

Marine LeQuac came forward and stated that now Battaleon realizes she was right and is just offering to follow her original policies.


Current polls show Marine LeQuac at 42% of the popular vote, and Battaleon at 54% with 4% undecided 

Donald Duck Un - Who Is He?

Donald Duck Un

 Early this morning, during the first day of the 3 months of mourning for Donald. A new leader has taken the reins of North Battaland. The first new leader since its conception over 70 years ago.

And that leader is Donald Duck Un.

Donald Duck Un is the great-grandson of Donald, and has been almost entirely unknown to the public. While viral and active, Donald's age has brought up questions of how much longer he could reign for. However, it was due to a nuclear malfunction that Donald lost his life at 102 years old. Now paving the pathway for his only blood relation and heir to take power and charge of one of the most controversial and oppressive countries in the world.

Donald Duck Un grew up in Pyongquack and was educted at a private high school in Switzerland. He used to play basketball on the school team, and was an avid reader of comic books.

In 2001, Donald had Un's father assassinated for reasons unknown. At which time, Donald Duck Un was recalled to Pyongquack to finish out his schooling and become groomed for the leadership of Pyongquack.

Donald & Donald Duck Un

Donald Duck Un was given a lavish penthouse within the city, and a salary estimated by the CIQuack to be $50,000 - $75,000 a month. Donald Duck Un is said to have spent much of that money on exotic cars, fine foods, and alcohol.

Donald Duck Un spent over $32,000 on whiskey when he came to Quacbec in 2009 as an incognito businessman from Canarda. North Battaland has been manufacturing falsified Canardic passports and travel visas in which some of the more elite have had the ability to leave from Pyongquack. Donald -- an internationally recognizable figure -- has not been thought to have left Pyongquack for the last 80 years.

Donald & Donald Duck Un

There is substantial evidence that Donald Duck Un has been groomed to continue on the will of his great-grandfather. In fact, it is believed that Un is somewhat mentally unstable himself. While he has not spoken publicly or addressed the people, the CIQuack has identified several incidents in which he has denoted his views on the nuclear proliferation of North Battaland, as well as his hate for non-communists.

When the CIQuack interviewed fellow students from his high school in Switzerland, they said he sat quietly in the back. He often mumbled to himself and said little to other classmates. One such incident recalls him swearing to become the All-Star Basketball Champion of the world and pledged to defeat the Chicago Bulls by himself. No one knew his true identity, but his face was impressionable upon the classmates who recalled knowing him.

Donald Duck Un -- new leader of North Battaland -- Assalam 3lekum!

Donald Duck : Deceased; Thousands Mourn in Pyongquack

Mourners - Pyongquack

Pyongquack is a city of tears, as the central media announced that Donald Duck -- Supreme Leader, Living Deity, and Perfect Example of All Things has died. As the official spokesman for state media said "Who's never wrong but always right. Who'd never dream of starting a fight. Who was stuck with all the bad luck. Donald Duck. And he gave all his effort to build us a perfect society.

Donald was killed accidentally in a nuclear rocket malfunction last week, in which he was trying to bomb Londonistan in vengeance against Ayatollah Quackmeini for dispelling the Mujahaquack. However, state media has portrayed Donald's death slightly differently:

 "A giant white crane flew down from heaven. The crane, being a mystical bird known not to us, was of course known by the knowledge of Dear Leader, Donald Duck.

Mourners - Pyongquack

The crane bowed before Donald and begged him to accompany him back to his kingdom in the heavens, where a most sinister force was threatening their destruction.

At first, Donald was reluctant. Dear Leader told the crane how important the people of North Battaland were to him and how his work was not finished here. But, after insisting on the importance of the war above, the crane instructed Donald that only one as perfect of him could save the Celestial Kingdom. Donald understood his duty, and accepted his mission with the crane soaring above Pyongquack."

The state has declared a three month period of mourning, where if citizens of Pyongquack do not show their solitude and love for Donald -- they will be executed.

Donald Duck - Mausoleum of Donald

Donald's body has been moved and put on display, forever, in the Pyongquack Mausoleum of Donald. Donald designed the mausoleum as a show piece and exhibit hall to remember his career by, however he closed it down in 1987 --expecting that he would live forever.

Perhaps it was desire, perhaps it was divity, or perhaps it was a heart so cold and evil that he refused to die -- Donald stretched his life to 102 years. One of the founding brothers of McDonald's hamburgers, early cinema star, turned communist despot, dictator, and warlord investing billions within military infrastructure and a nuclear weapons program. Donald made threats to the international community and built up several terrorist bases in which to wage his agenda of world chaos. Now, we see the dear leader put to rest.

As far as an heir is concerned, that would be his great-grandson -- Donald Duck Un. Born in the 1980s, Donald Duck Un will be the youngest leader of any country in the world. Until relatively recently, Donald had been a lone ruler and leader over Pyongquack. However, information has surfaced that he wanted to train his great-grandson into the role and knowledge of leadership in Pyongquack.

Donald Duck Un

Donald outlived his son, who had a son and daughter as grandchildren for him. However, Donald's grand-daughter fled from Pyongquack in the 1980s to Canarda. She is under the witness protection program under maximum security there, as Donald has ruthlessly pledged to take her life.

Most information known about the mysterious Donald and Pyongquack come from his grand-daughter. However, spies and defectors have brought forward information on Pyongquack over the years. It is known that Donald had his grandson killed in 2001, however the reason for this is unknown. Donald Duck Un was the only child of Donald's grandson, and only heir.

There is currently work to acquire further information on Donald Duck Un, and hopes are that he will be more mentally stable than Donald -- or at least less of a nuclear belligerent.

Dave Jefferson : Louisiana Secedes from Umrika

Dave Jefferson - Battarouge Secedes

After secret meetings were carried out in Battarouge since 2004, Dave Jefferson -- former governor of Louisiana -- came forward and announced that Louisiana would be seceding from Umrika as an all new and independent nation.

Dave Jefferson, who was outspoken against the changes in the Umrikan federal government in Hollywood, presented that Louisiana no longer wishes to be a part of Umrika.

He claimed that Louisiana shares a different language, culture and history from Umrika --as well as a different set of political views and can no longer tolerate to resist these opinions in disposition to the Umrikan government.

First, Louisiana has a different language. While English is spoken in Louisiana, the original tongue of the people was French like in Quacbec. During Jefferson's administration, the government of Louisiana was run in French until Umrikan Vice President Joe Bidwell, flew over from Hollywood to ensure that only english would be used.

Proximity of Battarouge & Hollywood

Umrika bought Battarouge and the territory of Louisiana from Battalouis XVI, after he fell heavily into debt trying to fight off Republican forces of independence during the Quacbec Revolution.

The area was originally named Battalouisiana, named after Battalouis XIV the Quack Soleil.

Battarouge, the capital city, refers to Red Ducks --or native ducks in the area belonging to the Iraquaq Tribe. The area was set up, colonized and conquered in the early 1600s.

When the Umrikans came, after purchasing the territory, they modified the name to Louisiana. And immediately invested in building upon Battarouge. This was a golden age for Umrikan growth and development. Alamo City was one of the most productive cities on the planet, manufacturing the best weapons, cars and beer. However, since the 1980s, things have slowed down for Alamo City. Hollywood has begun to focus more on glamorous topics and less on democracy or the will of the people -- especially the unique people of Louisiana.

So for these historic, cultural and language differences, Dave Jefferson formally seceded all of Louisiana from Umrika.

ISIS to Shopkeepers : Mask the Mannequins or Else

As the Iraqi parliament welcomed a new president, the country still suffers under the impending and increasing wrath of ISIS. The newest development is against commerce and shop keepers.

Mannequins - Masked

ISIS has issued that all shops displaying clothing must veil their mannequins. Some immediately jump to the claim that this is Charia --- but that is not to be trusted.

Any movement attempting to take over a country will practice tactics to control and manipulate people. There is nothing in Charia, mainstream Charia, that demands a mannequin should be covered. But, to see a row of shops submitting to the orders of a new power is power in itself. 

As shop keepers are forced to succumb to the changes of a pending new authority, the authority --de facto -- establishes itself as the legitimate authority.

These sort of tactics to control people has yet still a further bonus. The shops that do not cover their mannequins will be assuredly identified as defiant to the regime and not submissive. In the militant hand of Da3ch (ISIS) this will clearly identify shops that do not carry unto them the sort of people that will comply to their rule and new government.

May Iraq be in the hands of a strong ruling body that cares for its people, whether divided into a Kurdic and Arab state or not.

Battastan Welcomes Zain!

Zain 

Although Ayatollah Ali Quackmeini has banned music and television from Battastan because of their status as "evil western tools of zayonism" the Ayatollah has not allowed that ban to infringe on himself. Ali Quackmeini has kept up listening to music, and is apparently the biggest fan of the pop-band One Direction.

Ayatollah Quackmeini

That's right. The head of the theocracy of Battastan is also the president of the One Direction fan club in Battastan.

On May 20th, the Ayatollah personally wrote to Zain and invited him to come to Londonistan for a private concert at his palace. At first, Zain's agents thought this was a joke. But as the letters kept persisting, sometimes coming with gifts from the Ayatollah -- such as perfume, chocolate, and the Holy Book of Gees3a signed by the Ayatollah himself.

Eventually, trying to see who this prankster was, called the number that the Ayatollah begged Zain would call...and the Battastani secretary of defense answered the phone!

Thinking this was a joke, the secretary of defense called out Zain's agent and threatened them never to call back. When the Ayatollah inquired as to who was on the phone, the secretary of defense replied "it's One Direction."

Immediately, the Ayatollah pushed his defense secretary out of the way and grabbed Zain's agent just before hanging up. He invited them to come to Battastan for a concert in the capital city of Londonistan, first class and all expenses paid for.

Zain's agent accepted on his behalf, and finally -- on July 25th -- Zain arrived in Battastan to an official state parade. The Ayatollah Quackmeini bowed before Zain and begged him to autograph his turban -- which of course Zain accepted, and proceeded to a $1billion concert stadium with a gold stage. This stage was built entirely for the purpose of One Direction coming to Battastan. Which has long been the dream of Ayatollah Quackmeini.

The concert was held in the evening, and radio was briefly returned to the people of Battastan. Zain sang all of the Ayatollah's favorites, a concert lasting 4 hours. At the end, the Ayatollah welcomed Zain to return to Battastan anytime he would like --and he was given honorary citizenship.

Marine LeQuac : End the Racism NOW

As continuation of her candidacy, Marine LeQuac (EN-UF) speaks out to the Quacbecois regarding offensive materials circulating in society.

In regards to the increase of immigrants and refugees within Quacbec, Marine has taken a hard position against these individuals. She has spoken out sternly that it is time to remove these immigrants clogging up the beautiful streets of Quacbec and send them far away.

Marine has also become an outspoken leader of the opposition to the current government, as chaired by Battaleon:

Marine LeQuac

"My fellow citizens of Quacbec. I am here to speak about the growing racism in our borders against ducks. I call to your attention this book of hate-speech, known as 'The Ugly Duckling'. This hate has come from Umrika and now circulates within our borders. But have you read it? This racist novel falsifies us, the ducks, as ugly individuals. As monsters that pick on others. The caricatures in this novel, representative of ducks, are filled with hate and atrocity.

Worst of all, this novel of hate known as 'The Ugly Duckling' has been targeted for our children to read. Schools are forcing our youth to be brainwashed with this racism that ducks are ugly. That ducks are cruel and not tolerant of others.

We all know who is to blame for this. Each and every one of us. Who? Dare I whisper to you? THE GEESE! I will say it again to remind you. Who is responsible for this hate against us? THE GEESE! Did you hear me? I said, THE GEESE!

I call on Battaleon to built camps of labor and send the geese there. These infectious refugees wish to take from our society, we shall see them working in labor camps and earning their stay in Battaland. If they want to live in our society, they dare not come to us with more racism and ugly duckling hate!"

In a quick response, Battaleon turned away press as he entered into his mercedes. He said "The Ugly Duckling" is a childrens' book written nearly a hundred years before any geese immigrated to Battland. But I am happy to see that Marine has finally passed her kindergarten literature class."

Fouad Massoum Assumes Position as President of Iraq

His Excellency, Fouad Massoum

As ISIS storms through the Iraqi countryside, and Kurdistan is building itself independent as a nation, the Iraqi parliament is continuing to run business as usual. One such item of business was to elect a new sitting president of the Iraqi government. 

The preceding president, Jalal Talabani, was Kurdish. In fact, the law is that the president of Iraq must be a Kurd, the Prime Minister a Chi3a, and the Speaker of Parliament a Sunni. This is similar to the structure in Lebanon.

Jalal Talabani, known affectionately as Uncle Jalal, has been a hero and forthcoming statesman for the Kurdish people. Long oppressed in Iraq, Talabani was the first prominent Kurd to come to power in Iraq stretching back a long time.

A period of time stretching far into the Othman Empire.

Uncle Jalal pushed for the rights of the Kurdish, in representation and involvement within Iraq. Fouad Massoum, his successor, is expected to continue to do the same. But the wind has shifted in Iraq.

When Uncle Jalal came to power in 2003, Iraq was a cohesive state involving Kurdish, Sunni and Chi3a representation mostly spawning views based against the oppression of Saddam Hussein. Kurds wanted equality in a one-state Iraq.

But today, Kurdistan is more real than ever. The country is forming in northern Iraq and currently holds control over several cities known as being Kurdish by heritage. Should Kurdish Iraqis continue to integrate with an Iraq that has long been dominated by Arab Sunni and Chi3a? Or should Kurds focus on creating their own state, one that would be fully representative of the Kurds.

Casablanca : McDonalds is Under Terrorist Attack

An anonymous threat was discovered in Morocco, and brought to the attention of the Minister of the Interior Mustafa Ramid. A special council was called an a terrorist plot was uncovered and released to the general public.

A currently unknown organization made plans to attack and take vengeance on the McDonalds of Casablanca. Further Moroccan investigation brought forward no new details, and Minister of the Interior Mustafa Ramid issued public warning to the general Casablancan population.

The Hamburglar - At the Height of his Power

After contacting intelligence services in Battaland, the CIQuack quickly produced information linking the threat to a former disgruntled employee of McDonalds : The Hamburglar.

After being one of Ronald's closest followers, and being appointed treasurer of the entire McDonalds corporation, the Hamburglar was responsible for expanding the fast food chain internationally. Known for being anti-Semitic, the Hamburglar claimed that his outspoken views came from his Austrian heritage.

Speaking out against accountants as practicing "the Jewish science of banking" the Hamburglar always convinced the other executives of McDonalds to avoid using a public accountant and place him in charge of budgeting. However, in the process of an audit in 2002, it was discovered that the Hamburglar was secretly embezzling millions of dollars a year. In fact, it was reported that he embezzled over $600,000,000 in the last 8 years.

Police are Seeking this Terrorist

Under threat of being taken to court on criminal and civil charges, the Hamburglar fled to Qatar where he received sanction and began living in a 5-Star hotel up there. It has been tracked through wiring that the Hamburglar has been a large donor to Hamas and several other terrorist organizations.

New information from the CIQuack to the Moroccan Minister of the Interior reveals that the Hamburglar has been in negotiations with some of the terrorist organizations he has funded in the Middle East to take vengeance on McDonalds in the region. The Hamburglar has rarely been publically seen since 2002.