Battaleon Orders Invasion of Shanghai

Crossing the Pacific Ocean for the second time in 60 years, AirForce Quackbar 303 is deployed for the aerial attack of Shanghai.

The team launched to the skies only 10 minutes after Battaleon ok'd the military invasion plans for China. The Grande Army of Battaland will begin with an invasion of Shanghai and the rest is classified from there.

Battaleon is not intimidated by the numbers that the Chinese have in their armies because the Grande Army of Battaland is far better trained and prepared for war. Not to mention, Battaland has successfully defeated the fascist forces of Battalouis XVIII and Marine LeQuac. As well as Saquack Hussein, Ayatollah Quackmeini, Donald Duck and Donald Duck Un.

Xi Jinping, President of China, was not able to deploy anti-aircraft guns in time. Most of which had been moved to Beijing, along with the bulk of the Chinese army, awaiting AirForce Quackbar 303 there. It was a slaughter, leaving over 2000 Chinese soldiers and civilians down. Battaland is not a member of NATO and therefore is not bound to target only military targets --neither is China a member.

AirForce Quackbar 303 is considered one of the best aerial fighting groups on the planet. The pilots are carefully selected at age 3, and are trained to fly and fight as a giant team of arrows. Signals and safety keep all the members together and acting as a singular entity against any threats or downfalls. The team acts as one, and while ocmmand is given to 1 duck, this changes when that duck gets tired and he moves to the end of one of the wings. Each one knows each responsibility.

Surprisingly, Donald Duck --the former dictator of North Battaland-- joined AirForce Quackbar 303 in the early 1930s. He was a noted fighter pilot, and gifted aviator.

He engaged along with Umrika against Germany in a World War. However, the fumes of the planes he flew contained high degrees of lead which may have affected his sanity over the years.

One of Donald Duck's aircraft are now on display in Quacbec in the Musee d'Aviation

3 Martyrs Spark War in China

The 3 Martyrs

After news of the death camps in China came to fruition, the world became an uproar. The injustice and genocide of Ducks is unacceptable. However, not all were limited to speech against this horror.

Three ducks from Londonistan immediately booked a flight to China. And truly it was immediate, less than 24 hours after the leaked CIQuack footage of the death camps. These three ducks, 2 brothers and 1 friend, went to the center of one of the busiest streets in Shanghai and self-ignited, exploding themselves. 243 Chinese were wounded, and 64 are confirmed dead at this time.

The Chinese government is holding Battaleon responsible. Xi Jiaping, President of China, stated that "It is the business of the Chinese people if they like Peking Duck or Crisy Orange Duck. Battaleon sparked this and China seeks compensation."

Explosion Aftermath

Battaleon has not yet responded for the acts of martyrdom. It is believed that when a group of people target your own, the ducks, it is permitted to kill them. While in Quacbec, these customs are considered more historical, in a more rustic place like Londonistan these traditions are still lived and believed in. Heaven is guaranteed as well in such a circumstance.

Londonistan is currently under the totalitarian rule of Muamar Quackdaffi, whose regime and installation was backed by Donald Duck Un, the semi-deposed former dictator of North Battaland.

The three martyred ducks' remains have not been identified in the location of the explosion and it is suspected they may never be returned home to Londonistan for a proper burial.

Stop the Genocide!

Shocking.

Tensions arise between Beijing and Quacbec after a covert group of CIQuack agents from Battaland were discovered in Macau. They had been trailed by Chinese secret service and questions regarding their espionage have surfaced.

China is demanding that Battaleon appologize for the CIQuack's clandestine operation in their country. Battaleon refuses, because their mission was not unwarranted.

Duckau - Concentration Camp, Beijing

Rumors of concentration camps in China where crimes against humanity were being carried out on ducks sounds all too much from a fictitious novel. Unfortunately, these operations and actions are going on in horrific measure in China.

Duckau. Quackshewitz. Battenwald. Right now millions of ducks are being deprived human rights and locked up in death camps within Mainland China.

Xi Jinping, the current president of the Peoples' Republic of China, refuses to acknowledge the validity of any of the photographs as anything more than quacktivist manipulation of facts. Instead, Jinping demands that Battaleon apologize and make amends to China for invading their sovereignty with illegal espionage forces.

Ducks Being Forced into Small Truck to Camps

For years, the Chinese policies towards ducks have gone under question. It has been known that several civil rights were denied to them over the last 10 years and have slowly progressed. Ducks had to write "Duck" over the windows of their shops, so people knew that it was Duck-owned. Ducks eventually lost the right to own property all-together in 2009.

In 2012, rumors surfaced that the Chinese government had approved plans for Duck camps of death. Slaughter Houses. Ones in which ducks would be rounded up, city by city, and taken in trucks and never to be seen again.

It was based off significant viability spawning from these rumors that Battaleon ordered the CIQuack to begin covert investigations. What they discovered was beyond belief. Millions of ducks being led off into small cramped trucks and taken off to die in far away camps.

Camp Guard Torturing 3 Innocent Ducks

Battaleon ordered the CIQuack to release the photos to the media, and he is now pursuing a measure with the United Nations against China for this irrefutable slaughter of innocent life.

While China is not saying anything and standing firm on their position that they demand an apology from Battaleon, in Quacbec things are different. From his palace, Versailles, Battaleon is already stating that Battaland is the Realm of All Battas. And if China wishes to enslave and slaughter their own kind, then Battaland will not stand idle.

Breaking News - Greece Defaults on Debts

The Greek Economy

In a stunning move that will lead to the inevitable dismemberment of the Euro, Greece has officially announced that it will default on its debt.

While even yesterday the government was assuring German and other Eurozone members that it would not default, today Greece told another saga. At the steps outside the National Bank in Athens, Yanis Varoufakis, Greece's Minister of Finance, made a surprising statement to the world. Greece will in fact default on its national debts.

Right now, Greece has about $245,000,000,000 in debts which is about 175% of their GDP. The debt is calculated in US dollars, which is currently very strong against the Euro. Changes in the Eurozone banking metric have led to the US dollar's appreciation of over 33% against the Euro. This move, while beneficial to countries like Germany, has only contributed to making things worse for countries like Greece.

While defaulting on debt is a sore subject for any actor in the global sphere, it is very unlikely that Greece will be in the dark for long. Researchers and eager investors will see that the Euro is far too strong a currency for Europe. The dynamic between Greek rural living and cosmopolitan German living has been given far too much stress on the elasticity of a union.

The Euro is now on a final plunge, perpetuated by Greece. In the long run this will be very beneficial, and Greece has begun a process to free Europe from the shackles of a currency that has brought more harm than help to its intended benefactors

Fidel Castro & One Direction Sue Hillary Clinton over Logo

Logo

A joint-action law suit was filed today by two foreign national representatives against US Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton. The two action seekers, Fidel Castro and One Direction, have teamed up to reclaim Clinton's logo as an effort of infringement of their own original ideas.

"It's just too coincidental," said Fidel Castro, "Just look at her logo. This is the Cuban flag, only re-branded for a campaign."

Castro appreciates America's more open stance towards Cuba since 2014, however, he does not appreciate the Cuban flag being used for the next Democratic presidential nominee. "I understand that Obamacrats want to have an America more like Cuba. But hey, that's our flag. Get your own!"

Likewise, another foreign group has had issues with Hillary's logo. And that group is the popular band One Direction. Stephen Arthur Burgess, Esq is representing the singers in their lawsuit and is dually licensed to practice law in both the United Kingdom and the United States.

"It does not take much to realize what's going on here," stated Burgess, "the arrow is going in 'One Direction' and let us not forget that my clients are called 'One Direction' so the answer should be clear. If her logo was a giant 'U2' then how could she not expect a lawsuit from the group 'U2' we are confident that we will win this court case."

"I'm not sure yet"

When Hillary Clinton was approached to comment on the lawsuit, she responded that she has no idea why they were suing her as a 'Presidential Candidate' because she has not decided to run yet.

Zain Joins ISIS

Zain Malik

Popular singer from One Direction, Zain Malik, announced recently that he would be leaving the group. With much sadness fans around the world wonder what the next step is for Zain?

Well, like several hundred other British citizens, Zain has answered a higher calling. He's saying goodbye to Elisabeth and heading East to Baghdad to join ISIS (Da3ch). His bags are packed and he is ready to commit himself to fighting the good fight.

Although Zain was born in the West and is accustomed to the ways of life that Europeans & Americans live, he has been inspired by the youthful movement going on in the Middle East. This has helped Zain choose exactly where he wants to go for his next big gig - ISIS : Operation Damascus. 

"The training was intense at first, but now I can really build the best missiles you ever saw!" remarked Zain to the associated press that were able to interview him after Cheikh Mahmoud Ibrahimi discussed exchanging several Swiss prisoners for money.

Zain Malik

The group is saddened by their fellow member's leaving to fight in the Middle East, but not everyone in the spotlight supports Zain's decision to follow his heart to ISIS. Outspoken critics, such as Marine LePen, have stated that it is a terrible thing (perhaps she is jealous of Zain).

LePen told us : "Don't you understand, this is not a career move. Hundreds of youths across Europe are leaving to the Middle East to join ISIS. And when they come back they are harming our societies. Europe, we need to wake up!"

Regardless of some conflicting opinions, all are wishing Zain the best of luck in his new ventures, and certainly One Direction will no longer be the same.

The Importance of Love

We are all humans and live at this exact moment together.

Because we function, we therefore function as one entity. Each of us side by side has a role to play in this magnificent instrument known as the Earth.

If we sour ourselves, we will sour those around us. We negatively affect the status of the energy of our world and make it negative.

However, just as easily as emitting negative energy we can initiate positive energy and allow positive thoughts to surround us.

Each positive day we live is a brick towards building a positive year. And each positive year we enjoy is a step further towards a positive life, an edifice completed with our death.

Just like how construction stops when a building is finished being built, our lives stop at our deaths. And just like how people remark at a beautifully designed building, so to will people remark at a life that has brought them alike positive happiness. 

Donald Trump : "Bring it On, Hillary!"

"Bring it on, Hillary!" 

In an astonishing and unbeknownst move to the public, New York icon Donald Trump has officially announced his candidacy for president of the United States. Trump was loudly chanted on by supporters, echoed by his fandom on Twitter.

The Billionaire, high rise luxury builder, hit tv-show producer, and outspoken private citizen is certainly an outsider to Washington. How likely is it that Trump can take on Hillary? He has a well known presence, and is famously remembered for taking on another loud mouthed woman who wears lots of pant suits -- Rosie O'Donnell

Trump said that America needs straightening out. He declared that Obamacare is a scam that benefits only the insurance companies, saying "Obamacare taxes every working American but only covers 16,000,000 Americans with a basic plan covering nearly nothing. Now, I'll tell you another thing. Each basic policy costs $2,300. Obama just gave Iran $50,000,000,000. That 50 billion would cover 21 million Americans!"

Trump also stated that he would be taking another look into foreign policy. Countries with a hostile stance towards the US will get the returned message, where as countries with an amiable stance towards the US will get likewise treated.

"I'm not sure yet"

In response, Hillary Clinton said that she did not know what Donald Trump was referencing because she has not decided if she would run or not for president. This does come a week after her website "Hillary 2016" launched and she signed the lease for her campaign HQ in Washington DC.

We tried to ask Hillary for further comment but she said that she needed to catch a flight to Iowa and had to run.

Famous Foreign Aid to Africa NGO President Escapes With Over $3mm

Sertisha Jenkins

Sertisha Jenkins, one of the world's most renown NGO and foreign aid executives, did not show up to work last Thursday.

In the midst of a standard annual audit into her NGO, Children of Africa First, Sertisha had been hardly seen in the office throughout March. Her secretary, Daren Louis, said that Sertisha had few words to say and was receiving lots of packages from Amazon.

"I opened up one of the packages to find a very large black bikini," said Louis, "And then Sertisha grabbed it from my hands saying that she was just shopping for the pool and was not going anywhere. I found it suspicious."

Jenkins built up her company from a collection of neighborhood church charities to an interactive global technology NGO seeking to teach irrigation techniques throughout developing Africa. Sertisha, a very charismatic woman and also a licensed reverend, would speak to communities about the importance of donating to her NGO to bring clean water to African children.

While an estimated $4,500,000 has been raised over her past 20 years in the industry, not one project of water irrigation has actually been completed. Jenkins has had communications with locations in Africa, and has even sent irrigation tools to several villages in the Congo. However, none of the projects actually ever took off. And, although enjoying a tax free status, the current audit had specific questions into her life style.

Auditor Ken Ford stated that several questions posed to Sertisha Jenkins that may have provoked her suspicion are as follows :

"Of the $4.5 Million that your organization has raised, why has only $14,000 been actually invested in Africa in the last 20 years?"
"Are you charging the company to pay your rent on a 4 bedroom penthouse in Manhattan?"
"Why was a 2005 Rolls Royce charges to your tax free NGO as a business expense?"

Right now authorities suspect that Ms Jenkins was laundering the money that she collected as donations. Jenkins was using the money to live lavishly, while enjoying tax exempt status over the last 20 years. It appears that Jenkins has been draining her accounts over the last month, and the FBI has traced at least $3,000,000 to her name being taken out.

It is suspected that this once beloved and respected human rights activist has assumed another identity and has fled the United States to a tropical location.

Euro Crash!

Simulation of Current Euro Value

Not many thought it would happen. Those that did think it would happen did not think it would happen this fast. But it is happening. The Euro is crashing down to its demise.

In December, the Euro was consistently trading along the same 1.28 - 1.38 ratio with US Dollars as it has for the last 10 years. However, today's Euro is trading at a 15 year low -- the Euro has not even been in ballpark range until now.

How did this happen?

Since inception the Euro Dollar has been backed by paper exchanges, rather than physical assets, between EuroZone countries. And, in order to speed things up, a lot of those paper exchanges were in fact exaggerated numbers far from actualities.

With the international housing bubble bursting in 2008, and the aftermath of a hazy job market, the road to recovery is possibly just a metaphor in Europe. In fact, the injection of German and British capital into the Eurozone's poorer countries has only prolonged the inevitable.

The problem is that Euro Dollars have been more expensive than the average European can afford. And most European countries, like Greece and Spain, have realized that this is an unaffordable currency. However, Europe and the Eurozone can survive with a weak Greece. Europe cannot survive with a weak France, and it will absolutely fail with a weak Germany.

This is what is happening now.

France can no longer afford the Euro. They cannot afford it and keep their population satisfied at the same time. Should France fall into a situation like Spain, the ripple effect will take down Germany with her, and along that all the Eurozone countries.

A low Euro is great for American tourists, but let us be realistic. The Euro needs to fall and all debts forgiven. Pensions, insurance, and private investors that have bought securitized Euros will have to forego a major loss in order for industry and the local economies of each nation to recover. Otherwise, they can wait until the Euro Dollars become naturally worthless and see their countrymen continue to suffer.

Smart move, Switzerland

Rivalry Aside : Uniting Against a Common Foe

The Othmane Empire was never quite able to conquer the wild sands of the Nejd. A bitter and historic rivalry emerged between the Turkish and nomadic Arab people. One that has lasted over a hundred years and, back in the days it was popular, inspired folk songs where Turkish soldiers marched to their peril in the Arabian desert.

Changing geopolitics, as well as an ambitious new king on the Saudi throne, has brought forward a new set of minds to re-examine the timeless rivalry for a new common threat.

President Erdoghan & King Salman

Last night, a special aircraft landed in Istanbul Ataturk Airport. On board were several top foreign policy and military advisers as well as  King Salman Abdel-Aziz Al-Saud himself. The monarch was greeted by his Turkish counterpart, President Recep Erdoghan.

At the Turkish border, Syria and Iraq are in a state of chaos. Da3ch and insurgents have engulfed most of the region into an ethnic and religious war.

Saudi Arabia has recently been testing out their armed forces against Yemen, but is now looking to expand its fight against the Chi3a from another front.

King Salman is looking to unite, militarily, with Turkey to take down Bachaar Al-Asaad. Asaad has not taken care of his country and now stands as a problem towards the safety of the region. The two regional powers, Turkey and Saudi, are now seeking to take out Bachaar and put another government in place. Ideally, this will give serious traction into furthering fighting terrorist groups like Da3ch and keeping the money flow from Iran out of other free fighting groups located within the Chams region.

The goal here is stability. And it starts with a firm handshake amongst old foes.