Belgian Health Minister Resigns to Join Biggest Loser Season 16

"What a Delicious Salad, Thank You!"

After being inaugurated to a position within the senior Belgian Cabinet, Maggie DeBlock has already announced her resignation.

Apparently, her contestant video to NBC really wowed executives and the hot prime time reality show "the Biggest Loser" has invited her to be a part of Season 16.

"My bags are packed. Here I come, California!"

Said an excited Maggie DeBlock

Belgium regrets that they will be deprived of one of their sharpest ministers within the senior cabinet. The Prime Minister understands that a ministerial position within Belgium cannot compare to spot on a hit reality TV show --- that airs on Tuesdays at 9pm Eastern Time (3am Belgian Time).

Inquiries have been made to replace Maggie already. Right now the top two contenders are Rosie O'Donnell and Honey BooBoo's mother. The Prime Minister is looking for someone who can "fill the big chair" that Maggie DeBlock leaves behind.

Battastan : "We are Willing to Negotiate with Battaleon"

Colonel Muamar Quackdaffi, the ruling president of Battastan, made a statement following the fall of North Battaland. He announced to his parliament that Donald Duck Un is in fact no longer in power, but relocated to a remote prison camp in North Battaland.

Muamar Quackdaffi

Quackdaffi, who was installed to power by the billionaire dictator Duck Un, admits that Battastan has lost one of their most powerful allies and benefactors towards statehood.

Battastan was importing weapons from North Battaland, which alongside Plutonium, are the top exports of the hermit dictatorship. Quackdaffi announced that Battastan should re-engage Battaleon and Umrika for talks of commerce and free trade laws.

Umrika already has a substantial role with Battastan's oil industry, but Umrika is also a major power when it comes to weapons. It may be in the best interests of Battastan to subsidize trade relations and fix a floating exchange between guns and oil, to make trade cheaper and more prosperous between the two nations.

With the Battaland border above Battastan, and without pressure from Pyongquack, Quackdaffi wants to unite more in trade with Battaland. It seems very likely that to the north of Londonistan will become a regional super power --especially if it absorbs North Battaland.

Quackdaffi is beloved by the people of Battastan, and it is likely that he will remain as the country's supreme leader. However, Battaland and Umrika may put pressure back on Quackdaffi to become more democratic.

It's Official - Donald Duck Un Deposed by High Command!

An anxious group of reporters was called to Versailles early this morning. While gathered in the room, expecting the Quacbecois Minister of Information, out of the central pavilion emerged Battaleon.

North Battaland Chief General

With him was Yo Jeun Sol, the second in command of North Battaland and Donald Duck Un's chief of the general staff. This is the first time documented that anyone from North Battaland, besides Donald Duck, has left in over 70 years.

Battaleon introduced Yo and explained that nearly a month ago, Donald Duck Un was deposed and sent to a prison camp in the cold woods above Pyongquack "for a taste of his own medicine" as Yo said.

Apparently, the high command was inspired by a movie preview. During the reign of Donald Duck, movies and cinema were forbidden as "corrupt western brainwashing tactics" which is suspected because they portrayed the now deceased billionaire as a laughable figure.

Donald Duck Un allowed for movies to circulate once again in Pyongquack, but only for himself and his top generals. Hollywood, the capital of Umrika, is famous for making the best movies. 

On one such night that Donald Duck Un was preparing to watch Scary Movie 5, and one of the movie previews came on called "The Interview". In this film, two Umrikan reporters are invited to interview Donald Duck Un in Pyongquack but are recruited by the CIQuack to kill Donald Duck Un.

Of course, Donald Duck Un was not pleased and made a threatening call to the White House, located in Hollywood, that very night.

The generals, however, were inspired by the film preview. If two Umrikan journalists could enter North Battaland and take down Donald Duck Un....why can't seventeen generals with armies, guns, and access to the dictatot on a 24/24 basis do the same thing?

So they did. And they took out Donald Duck Un and put him into a prison camp.

Battaleon announced that the generals are now in control and slowly sifting things out, with the help of the Quacbecois Empereur, and looking to find a diplomatic solution to open trade and bring North Battaland back into the international community.

It has also been proposed that North Battaland may dissolve.

Battaleon : We Support Nova Scotia

Battaleon made a public statement from his home, Versailles, in Quacbec.

"Quacbec fully supports Nova Scotia's wish to become independent from Canarda."

As announced earlier this year, the Nova Scotia National party -- which is presently in control of the Nova Scotia independent parliament -- has put forward a referendum to the people of Nova Scotia. In 14 days, they will have the option to dissolve the union with Canarda and become independent.

Nova Scotia, located above North Battaland, is the oil rich part of Canarda. They were not attacked during the World War, like the rest of Canarda -- however, they did face special war administration from Battalouisian Toronto.

After united forces by Umrika and the Canarda Resistance, led by Battaleon, retook Toronto from Battalouis XVIII, the special administrative status of Nova Scotia was relinquished back to the regular parliament of Canarda.

However, Nova Scotians feel that the time has come to seek independence from Canarda.

Delegations came to Battaleon in Quacbec this weekend and the empereur came forth to address the nation. He believes in the independence of Nova Scotia and fully supports the referendum of the the Nova Scotians in the next 14 days.

The Nova Scotia National party has plans to join the Battaland currency union, over continuing use with the Canardian Dollar or switch to the strong Umrikan Dollar in the area. Such a move would be great for the economy of Battaland, because Nova Scotia will be a strong exporter of resources -- such as petroleum.

Mashriq or Maghreb : Who has the Right Time for 3eed

Khanouf Maghreb v. Khanouf Machriq

Without shame, several Egyptian Imams stated that Morocco's celebration of 3eed goes against the calendar laws of Islam.

First, it is very important to explain the reason for Moroccan and Machriq policies on time that started long ago.

In the old times, it took very long for a letter to be transposed from Hejaz to the rest of the Arab and Non-Arab Muslim world. Therefore, the established rule was based on local time and sighting of the proper lunar phase.

Originally, in Morocco, this was the duty and honor of the Alouite Sultan, whose descendants still rule today. The King's family originated in Medina and he was invited to the Maghreb to rule in the proper way for the nation.

The Middle East/North Africa's longest ruling family has established a historical observance of the laws for determining when the new month is. To receive a letter from Hejaz in even the 1800s could take 30 - 60 days.

In Egypt, the ruling family in the late 1800s and early 1900s was foreign. Performances of this task and others was done by the grand mufti. However, since modern times, the Machriq and most other countries have digitalized clocks to follow Hejaz time ---which can be determined the same minute as observed by the clerics of Hejaz.

Morocco has not adopted this custom.

So, there are two schools of thought here. Should all Islamic countries follow the Hejaz Time --as originally prescribed -- or should all Islamic countries rely on local time. Because, technically, if they do not see the moon in the Maghreb, it would be haram to partake in festivities.

Marine LePen : Catalonia Belongs to France!

Catalonia - Proximity to France

While Catalonian nationals are negotiating with the Spanish government for a possible independence procedure, Marine LePen issued a statement.

The famed leader of the Front National Party in France stated that Catalonia belongs to France --and the Catalonians should be petitioning to become part of France instead of collaborating with the Spanish government.

Marine LePen - Catalonia is French

According to Marine, "Any history book can tell you that the last ruler of Catalonia was a Bourbon. The Bourbons are French" she was of course referring to Ferdinand VI and, after the reformation, Alphonse XIII.

Marine then went on to say "Actually, like Algerie and Morocco, Spain is also a French colony and belongs once again to France!"

The biggest surprise is that she's historically correct. The French kings did ascend to the throne of Spain after the Hapsburg King, "Charles the Possessed" died without any heirs. This led to his french cousins coming to power -- in fact, one of the most prominent Spanish Kings, Charles III, actually spoke French before he knew any word in Spanish.

Marine also stated that, after acquiring Catalonia, they will be subject to the hijab ban.

Donald Duck Un - Vanished?!!

News travels slowly out of the mysterious hermit dictatorship of North Battaland. Donald Duck Un, who was last seen outside a theme park on an official holiday ("We love Dear Leader Day - Part 64") and has not been seen since.

Donald Duck Un - Last Seen September 18th 

The CIQuack and other intelligence services say Donald Duck Un missed two important engagements with the state -- including his official chairing of the monthly assembly of parliamentary inquiries. 

Donald Duck Un was also absent from the executions of 3 people that were scheduled to take place this month -- which is one of his favorite activities.

What is more astounding is that two top officials from North Battaland met with Battaleon, in a semi-secret environment, on Friday. 

It seems as though --but possibly too wishful and early to tell-- Donald Duck Un may have been deposed silently. And now some of the top military and political leadership are seeking to open the border with Battaland and begin to re-enter the international community.

After nearly 70 years of Donald Duck's iron fist rule, it is quite possible that Donald Duck Un's succession was in vain. The leadership in North Battaland have long seen the paranoia of Donald Duck plunge billions of dollars into wasteful projects while the country starves off from reality.

Battaleon has refused to comment on the issue, which may be very delicate to execute -- since North Battaland worships Duck Un as a diety and believes their society riddled with diseases, starvation, and pre-1930s technology is utopia.