Greetings Loyal Readers

Al-Salam 3alekum et Bonjour et Greetings :

Battaleon would like to invite you personally to the new exclusif (exclusive) website of Battaland CLICK HERE TO VISIT BATTALAND or type in [https://battaland.wordpress.com/]

We look forward to seeing you there! Many more things will happen

Otherwise please enjoy the news articles posted to al3alam 3arabaya

Muamar Quackdaffi Tightens Control - NO VISA

Battastan has seen a series of regime changes in the last few years.

Regional conflicts and interests have ousted kings, started wars, and expanded nuclear programs. All of which being detrimental to the stability of Battastan.

Donald Duck Un, the former dictator of North Battaland, installed Colonel Quackdaffi to power in Battastan. Already beloved by the people, Pyongquack has used their alliance with Quackdaffi to expand on an already existing nuclear arms program.

However, leadership in Pyongquack has been chaotic in the last few months and so Muamar Quackdaffi has sent emissaries on trade and peace keeping missions with Battaland and Umrika.

Unlike Noth Battaland, which was a "Stalinist Dictatorship", Battaland is very advanced. The artistic charm in Quacbec alongside modern industry has sparked the interests of Battastanis travelling to these places on behalf of these trade missions.

Returning to Battastan, they make suggestions like --maybe we should build highways in Battastan? Or, maybe we could have running water? Perhaps Battastanis could start driving cars instead of camels.

Being a traditionalist, this has greatly upset Supreme Leader Muamar Quackdaffi. In response, he has revoked all travel outside Battastan. This morning he made an address:

"Awiiiilliiii! No Visas. No Visa. It not good for you! Quackdaffi knows what is best. The people love Quackdaffi"

Not all the citizens  like Quackdaffi. After seeing the wonders of Battaland and Umrika, a lot have begun spreading stories about things abroad. Battastanis have been told that they live in a modern paradise and they do not.

The White House in Umrika

Faisal El-Quackebanhi had this to say: "When my cousin returned from Umrika, he described buildings taller than the biggest palm tree. Running water inside houses. Electricity everywhere. The streets at night were bright and shiny. Wlah I did not believe it. None of us did. But he had pictures. And so we want these things in our capital city of Londonistan."

Faisal was excited to show some pictures. "And here look, this is the White House. The president of Umrika lives here. Isn't this building beautiful? When I saw this
I began saving every quirsh I could find to go there and see it. But now I cannot go there because of Supreme Leader Muamar Quackdaffi's no travel visa policy."

Battastanis are beginning to realize that it is time for another change in Battastan. They will not accept being forced to remain inside their country. They want to travel - especially since word has gotten out that the region is modernizing.

Perhaps one day Faisal El-Quackebanhi will see the White House in person.

London - Enough is Enough! We can tolerate Immigrants bringing their Culture and Religion but NOT their Weather!

London - Temperatures soar to nearly 37 degrees. Water is evaporating. Train Tracks are melting. Cars are too hot to get inside. Camels are thirsty. London is a hot mess, and as the 14th day of record breaking heat comes upon the city that once knew rain, the British public point the finger of blame to those responsible : Immigrants.

Typical London Neighborhood

At first, the British population was happy ---except Birmingham-- to be filled with an influx of multiculturalism from across the former empire. It was a treat to now have Pakistani and Indian food on every block. Kabobs became as popular a take out food as fish and chips.

After a certain level of comfort, the immigrant population in London began making religious demands. They wanted to celebrate their holidays in schools, and also ensure that they had access to special dietary laws. This included burning down several supermarkets that sold pork.

Then, there were demands to practice public executions and beheadings. A common practice back home, which the British government was more than happy to permit. Fortunately, the new immigrant population had no problem with the free socialized government handouts practiced by the British government --something not available in their former countries -- to which the immigrant population has adapted to.

Typical London Street

However, besides adapting to free government handouts, the immigrant population has not adapted to anything else in Britain -- Including the weather!

Now, the immigrant population in London may have gone too far. Immigrants from Southeast Asia have decided to bring their weather with them.

"The rain was too much here, so we decided to bring the 37 degree sun of Karachi to Londonistan" said Khan, a community leader.

But is London (or as some say, Londonistan) ready for the foreign sun? Some say no. The ministers of Agriculture and also of Energy are now strongly advising David Cameron to take action. "Look, if we do not stop the immigrants now from bringing their weather, our farms will die and our nuclear power plants will overheat and explode."

No action is being taken at this time. Britain is preparing for a hot summer!

Quacbec Day in Battaland!

Only the bakeries remain open as the entire city of Quacbec closes for its biggest holiday of the year : Quacbec Day.

Children fill the parks, quacking for joy, as the schools are closed and the lakes are open. For 463 years, Quacbec has been an active and powerful city within the region. Original settlers, ducks seeking a way west from Europe to India, landed into this giant and majestic lake over which the city is founded.

It was not always easy. Warring tribes of nomadic geese attacked the settlers from Europe. In addition, the cold and harsh winter caused many of the original ducks to perish. Quacbec was not always a land of corn and plenty. While the population of Quacbec now can handle quite well the affects of bad weather, the geese still cause trouble to the local populations of ducks.

Early Settlers of Quacbec

The ancien regime began in the 13th year of Quacbec, when the family of Battalouis came to power to reign over the colony. And after 200 years, Elisabeth sent a fleet of 30 ships filled with soldiers to conquer the city. However, Battalouis XIV (Le Quac Soleil) used heavy artillery to defeat the British forces. For this, Battalouis XIV was known as a national hero and he also aided the settlement of Battarouge in Louisiana.

And although defeating the British before landing at the city, Quacbec has seen its share of violence in the last few decades. The family of Battalouis began raising taxes to fund extravagant and ridiculous projects. This upset the population of Battaland and resulted in riots as even the smallest crumbs of bread became impossible to find. Expressions like "donne moi mais" or "give me corn" became a battle cry of the liberty demanded by the people.

Allegedly, Marine Antionette Al-Battataberg, the queen of Quacbec was so cold hearted that when her advisors said the citizens are begging for crumbs of bread she retorted "pfff tell them to go buy cake"

Through the protests, two major groups emerged. One was a nationalist group for liberty, equality, and democracy (Les TriColours) headed by Battaleon and the other was the Communist Party, headed by Quack Marx.

Battaleon agreed to make peace and unite with Quack Marx, on the condition that there would be open elections and that the monarchy be abolished but given rights as equal citizens. Quack Marx agreed, but after assuming power the Communist party betrayed Battaleon. They began a series of executions --and banished Battaleon from Quacbec. King Battalouis XVI, his wife, his 4 daughters and 1 son, were led into a basement in Yqauckterinaberg, and shot by a firing squad.

However, the violence of the Communist Party and betrayal of Battaleon led to a change in fates. The people rose up and took down the Communist party, Quack Marx was lead to a guillotine and beheaded. This led for the return of the monarchy with Battalouis's younger brother ascending the throne as Battalouis XVIII.

At first, Quacbec was satisfied that they had a king and a democracy at the same time. Battaland was never yet a constitutional monarchy. However, Battalouis XVIII was selfish and weak as a leader. He entered into negotiations with Elisabeth who still wanted to claim all of Quacbec for her own. Battalouis was about to concede several provinces in exchange for peace when Elisabeth sent an invasion force to take Quacbec by force.

Elisabeth inspecting Invasion Force

Many Quacbecois perished in the bombing of their city. The king hid, and his generals (trained by Battaleon) put together a small force to retaliate. This underhanded and sneaky attack by Elisabeth is known as the "Pearl Harbor" of Quacbec and has a memorial service to this day every December 11th. The army of Battalouis retaliated, however the force raised was large and required heavy supply and payment which Battalouis would not put aside his lavish projects of grandeur to fund.

Within a year, as heavy taxing returned, the people demanded a change to the oppression in Quacbec. Battaleon boarded a plane to Battarouge and landed in Quacbec. Without any opposition, Battaleon came to power over Quacbec and Battalouis fled away. In later times, the king returned under the leadership of Marine LeQuac who began a regional war.

First Secret Nuclear Reactor in Quacbec

One of Quacbec's greatest accomplishments was being the first  nation of ducks to utillize nuclear energy. Tensions arose between the British and Battaleon, which led the Quacbec ministry of energy to build secret nuclear energy facilities. They were covered up in such a way that the British would not recognize the facilities as military targets.

Besides nuclear energy, Quacbec is rich in phosphorous and is said to have one of the best cuisines in the world. On Quacbec day, bakeries are open and serving up a wide variety of pastries including cake -- which is done to remember the words of queen Marine Antionette Al-Battataberg.

On the more risky side of things, tourists are warned to be very careful and alert. While Quacbec is a first world city and one of the safest places to live in the world, it is not perfect and tourists are easy targets. Famous stories of masterful pick pockets and brilliant art forgers have come from Quacbec. In fact, Hollywood (the capital of Umrika) estimates that more than 50% of all international jewel thieves com from Quacbec.

A Batta Stealing from a Touriste

Why is crime so prevalent? It is very unclear but only happens to tourists. Within the country, it is rare that any crime (besides genocide) has ever been committed.

Tonight, the skies will be filled with fireworks and festivities. There will be a parade throughout the city today with Battaleon as the Coeure de Festivities. In years passed, the role was given to a duck selected to be the "Bacchus" of the parade and had control over the wine servers. Who would get which wine, and when. Today that practice is frowned upon as Quacbec is a majority muslim city.

Quacbec Day is a widely celebrated holiday and the most important day to the citizens of the city. Come to Quacbec and celebrate the rich history, culture and cuisine of the land!

The Failed Politics of Fear - How ISIS Will Fall

ISIS, or Da3ch as better known by some, will not be the group a foreign power's army can defeat. ISIS is classified as a nation or rogue state, ISIS is an ideological movement.

The nature of the idea of ISIS can or can not be religious, this is rather irrelevant. While the origins of the ideological movement of ISIS are associated by leaders as coming from religious roots -- Islam, the most prevalent religion in the region -- ISIS represents a movement by those disgruntled with 30 years of unwelcomed leadership that has been oppressive towards the common man. The silent majority.

Why are they acting now? Why not 10 years ago? The affects of social media have liberated the world from man's greatest fear : the unknown. Before, a government could boast about having the interests of the people as a priority while swiftly acting to do the opposite in order to preserve its power. A perfect example of this is when Saddam Hussein executed a vast number of Shia Iraqis in Eastern Iraq.

Social media is able to create confidence in people. Like with the fall of Ghadaffi. It is one thing when an individual wants to see a new form of leadership. But when all his neighbors, countrymen, from city to city and village to village post and discuss the same thing publically online, this creates a collaborative confidence among the people. And successfully leads to a movement against the entity in power.

ISIS is an ideological movement spearheaded into ascension by successful use of social media. But, behind the ideas of fighting oppression, exists a leadership organization. There is always an organization of leadership. And with leadership comes delegation. Even in an absolute monarchy, when the head of state wields full power, he/she still delegates authority to his inner circle.

The way that ISIS will fall will be simple. And the words of Lord Acton summarize it perfectly : Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts, absolutely.

Within the leadership of ISIS, Al-Baghdadi has liberally given his top generals a strong hold over their territories. The problem with this strategy is that cities are factors of vast resources. Infrastructure, capital resources and most importantly human resources. The human is an independent actor, but a leader can manipulate perception there. A human can feel enslaved or free, and the most influential factors here are education and the leader. Remember, no government or king can take away knowledge.

In Mosul, one of ISIS's larger claims in Iraq, Abu Usman Al-Hassan was conspiring a coup to take down the state. He was, however, caught and executed by ISIS. However, he will not be the last and may not even be the first, to try and commit such an action. ISIS will fall because a finite amount of power is in the hands of too many ambitious men.

Abbudin & Battaland Enter Serious Talks for Commerce

President & Mrs. Al-Fayid

After Battaleon has signed a large trade agreement with Brasil, he recieved a call from Abbudin president, Jamaal Al-Fayid.

It is well known that Battaleon engaged in a conflict with China over the genocide committed there against ducks. Abbudin has recently also faced issues with the Chinese government, and now would like to meet with Battaleon regarding foreign investment into infrastructure.

Battaleon has graciously invited the President of Abbudin and his luscious wife to meet with him in Versailles, Battaleon's home and palace in Quacbec.

"There is much to talk about. The president and I see eye to eye on many issues of state and the world. Battaland would like to see Abbudin as the next Dubai!" Exclaimed Battaleon over the meeting.

Battaleon & President Al-Fayid

Recently, there have been numerous protests within the country of Abbudin, but this does not worry Battaleon. In Battaland they have also experienced many protests and matters regarding the issue of free speech and basic liberties, however it is not likely that Battaland will change anything, either.

"My father, Khaled Al-Fayid, was ardently opposed and an enemy of Donald Duck. Donald was a dictator who tried to wield absolute power and was responsible for several missle threats and funnelling money to sponsor terrorism in both Abbudin and Battaland," began President Al-Fayid,

"therefore, there is a strong framework and common ground for Battaland to work together with us."

Battaleon is looking to invest domestic capital across the developing world to expand the prestige de batta.

Battaleon Visits Brasil - Country Declares Foie Gras Illegal

An Innocent Batta

Battaleon, Emperor of Battaland, embarked on a State Visit to a neighbor in the South: Brasil.

Like most countries in the world, there is an extent of racism against ducks and in many countries slavery for ducks is still allowed. Much to the chagrin of the open minded and intellectual lands of Battaland, Battarouge and Canarda.

However, Brasilian law makers have officially declared that the persecution and malicious treatment of ducks within their country will be no more. Legislators have made the production and supply of Foie Gras (aka murdered duck) within their country and restaurants.

"It is a well known fact that ducks fly south for winter. However, Brasil has opened its doors and ideology to making this beautiful land a safe haven for all ducks in the world." Battaleon said.

Battaleon's counterpart, the honorable president Dilma Rousseff, made a few remarks of her own :

Brazilian President - Dilma Rousseff

"How can such an outrageous act of persecution, torture and murder have gone unnoticed for so long? The world needs to wake up and follow Brasil's lead and end the global production of foie gras forever!"

Battaleon signed a 50 Million Reales contract in trade with Brasil.