We Are Bankrupt!

Athens - Everyone knew it was coming, and for the last two years expert economists have assured the masses that Greece will not go bankrupt. But now, with debt at 567% of GDP, Greece has filed and will close on the 30th of June for total bankruptcy.

As a first in the modern world, a country will be allowed to default on its loans. But what will the consequences be? It may be that Greece will not be able to get a loan again. However, it may cause global lenders to endorse a ripple effect across the world.

New standards of nation lending could affect countries that are in debt. Restrictions to the ratio of loan size to GDP could come to fruition, or possibly limits in general towards how much a country can borrow regarding what and when they could pay.

Greece will now be a pariah within the European community -- but that might be exactly where they want to be. The Euro Dollar did not work for Greece. It is time for them to return to a currency that fits the needs and wants of their nation. A return to the Drachma will be good for global commerce and give Greece an edge in the export/import business.

Unfortunately, international trading partners will not look so favorably on the new Drachma. As Greece has defaulted on loans, and seen to a vast debt accumulation beyond repayment, it will be hard for other countries to realize and accept an exchange rate with Greece out of the expectation that it is backed by high inflation and volatility.

Greece will recover. The Greek people are hearty and proud.

Battaleon : EU Must Respect Immigration Quota

Following new legislation targeting the influx of immigrants from Africa coming into Quacbec, Battaleon is now focusing on the two major sources of the problem.

Here we come, Battaleon!

The first is that the European Union is not monitoring their seas, and are letting hordes of African immigrants sneak over to Battaland.

"We are not raciste and appreciate immigrants. But we do not appreciate the culture of disrespect for our land and customs that these immigrants are bringing over from Afrique" said Battaleon,

"And it is the duty of the European Union to comply with the policies that have been agreed upon to monitor the Mediterranean. Or believe me, Battaland will launch a fleet in the Mediterranean to do the job and the EU will pay for it!"

European leaders, such as Marine Lepen, have come out in full support of Battaleon. However, other leaders, such as Cecile Kyenge of Italy, have viciously opposed the measure.

Cecile Kyenge

"What Battaleon is asking for is illegal. Just because we agreed to something in a treaty does not mean it has to be enforced. Europe needs to open every door possible to welcome in Africa and be hospitable!" Said Cecile Kyenge.

Unfortunately for Cecile, according to International Lawyer Sir Charles Powers, an internationally agreed upon treaty does make it a law and it is the EU's job to enforce it.

Cecile Kyenge is prepared to go head-2-head with Battaleon over the issue, however the Italian prime minister has already stated that he will be siding with Battaleon and Marine Lepen on the issue.

Greece has commented that if Battaleon does raise a fleet to protect the Mediterranean, they will not be able to pay for it.

Battaleon : "Immigrants, Go Home"

Battaleon

Quacbec - Battaland has passed a controversial new law, targeting immigrants. While in the past, leaders of Battaland have commit mass genocide against ethnic immigrants, Battaleon has instrumented a more peaceful solution: "Immigrants, Go Home"

This has very little to do with immigrants who come and work, study or respect the laws of Battaland. Recent waves of immigration have led to high rises in crime and a refusal to adapt to the liberal ways of Battaland.

"Listen well," said Battaleon, "We do not hate immigrants. But there are certain immigrants that want to bring negative aspects of their cultures here. Such as crime, and inefficiency. Battaland has a system of socialist benefits, but when too many come juste to take those benefits, we must prevent them from abusing the system imperative."

Law makers did not find controversy in the emperor's proposal, and the legislature in Quacbec passed the law 513 in favor and 2 against. Those 2 against were promptly reprimanded as per the laws of Battaland.

"We cannot accept all world misery," stated Battaleon following the vote, "If we allow these immigrants as refugees then all Syria, all Irak and all Soudan should come."

Battaleon's immigration laws are not only limited to Battaland, but in fact are seeing immediate echos across Europe. France has emulated the legislation of Battaland, and assembled an army to draw immigrants back to the border with Italy. While some in Paris shout against this act of racism, the majority now agree that this is all for the best.

We spoke with one immigrant from Congo at the Italish border, "How can I get free healthcare now? It's not like our warlord allows that. We do not even have doctors in Mama Africa!"

Warlord of Congo M'Batutu

Congo has recently changed several policies under the new Warlord there. Religion is forbidden, so is any drink except state sponsored Peregrine. Apparently, Congo has signed a lucrative contract with Peregrine to build and open factories in the Congo, however the price of Peregrine is too high for Congolese to afford.

"Healthcare? Choices? No no, that is for France and Battaland to give to the people of the Congo, not me. I am just the warlord in charge." Said M'Batutu, the sovereign warlord and leader of Congo. He was elected in their last election, which was held in 1996.

M'Batutu seems to fail to realize, as well as the other Congolese and other African countries, that the secret to great statehood is not to elect a popular face or celebrity and then grab socialist benefits from Europe or Battaland. The secret to a great country starts at home. Sometimes, it requires a fight rather than a flight to another country. And worse, when you do immigrate, stop living in crime and littering all over the place like you did at home.

Battaleon believes the measure will be well received in Quacbec as immigrants are being shipped back to the 3rd World.

These Hips Do Lie - Rachel Dolezal

Washington, AC - The United States is in uproar again, due to the actions of a pre-operation transracial woman. Rachel Dolezal has long been known for her activism within the NAACP. Her astute dedication and hard work has made her a "community organizer" within her own chapter of the NAACP.

Of course, "community organizer" is the new name for regional chapter president within the NAACP in honor of Obama, who was a community organizer in Chicago.

Rachel Dolezal has always felt transracial. She believes that she is a black woman living in a white woman's body. Another famous transracial case is that of Michael Jackson, who believed that he was a white woman living in a black man's body.

Reporters ambushed Rachel Dolezal, and she walked off the stage when asked the classic Harlem question "Who's your daddy"

Within hours, Rachel removed the dye from her hair, revealing the natural blonde color and took off all the brown halloween makeup she had on and resigned from the NAACP. She's currently deciding whether to join a similar group to the NAACP, but for whites, such as the KKK.

All is not bad news for Rachel, however. Lifetime has reportedly been in contact with Rachel to buy her story for publication. They want to produce a film depicting her struggle with transracial issues in a transraciophobic society. The movie will be called "Who Dat, Who Dat" and is set to star Iggy Azalea

Culture Clash - Why the White House Does Not Understand that a Nuclear Deal with Iran is a Bad Thing

Originally, US President Barak Obama, pledged $50,000,000,000 to Iran in regards to the nuclear talk. This is nearly triple the amount of money allotted to the Obamacare program. The United States and Iran have been more than dissident for the past 30 years over political strife.

Right now, the US is prepared to pledge $11,000,000,000 to Iran. What does the US want in return? That Iran will turn off their nuclear program. Iran and the US are still negotiating but it seems in all likelihood that they will accept an offer similar to this.

Accepting the offer and satisfying the terms are two separate matters that the US is not culturally prepared to understand. The culture of the United States interprets this as a business arrangement. Very similar to negations with a general contractor. The essence of that conversation is : "I, the United States, will give you xyz dollars if you can complete a certain job that I want done. I, the United States, have money. You (Iran) want money. I, the United States, want a particular job done. You (Iran) have the particular ability to complete it."

The cultural logic of the United States is very straightforward. It descends from several hundred years of democratic belief and the notion of liberty that assumes man wants to live his own way and needs capital to do so.

Iranian cultural logic is not like this. In fact, it is not even parallel to this line of thinking.

First, Iran is not a Middle Eastern country. Neither is Pakistan. And Iran and Pakistan are very different from each other. It is hard for Westerners to conceptualize this because they associate Iran with Islam and a warm climate.

Iran is, as best to describe, a Central Asian country. Similar to Uzbekistan or Azerbaijan. The thinking here and culture is different from a Middle Eastern country, like Saudi Arabia. More on Saudi Arabia later.

The cultural logic of Iran can be summarized in the Western expression "to have one's cake and eat it, too". Iran conceptualizes that the United States is not offering them money to necessarily stop the nuclear program, but the United States is offering them money to PLEDGE to stop the nuclear program for a decade. Their negotiation will certainly structure payments to come in full and immediately, because they have no intention of stopping their own nuclear program. The reason for that is Iran wants a nuclear program, and the obstacle presented by the US to stop their activities is in no way different than the obstacle of obtaining Uranium 232 in the first place.

Negotiations between the US and Iran are bound by the American presidential elections which Iran knows are coming in a year. It is almost certain that the US will not stop negotiating, seeing time spent thus far as an investment, until the election comes when they will have no power to continue, Iran's goal is to exhaust out the US negotiating team until reaching the highest monetary payoff. In order to do this, Iran will be accentuate what nuclear terms they are willing and not willing to accept, but this is just a bargaining chip to maximize cashout.

Once Iran has convinced the US to hand over their money, they will find a loop hole and continue work on their nuclear program with an extra $11bn and the benefits resulting from a brief period of time of relaxed economic sanctions.

Returning to the issue of Saudi Arabia, here is yet another cultural logic that the White House is overlooking. Saudi Arabia is a loyal ally to the United States and furthermore KSA sees itself as a loyal ally to the United States. The way the government of Saudi Arabia sees this negotiation is that in return for Saudi's years of loyalty, support, and cooperation with the United States, the United States is now looking to negotiate a non-appreciative pact with Saudi's biggest enemy in the region.

How has the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia responded to the rather gauche actions of the United States? Saudi has engaged in a hot war in Yemen against Iranian supported Chi3a forces. Saudi has also made substantial contributions to ISIS in order to fight Chi3a militias funded by Iran. Saudi has also entered into negotiations with Turkey to support the Sunni forces in Syria and oust Iranian supported Bachar Al-Assad.

It may be a lot at once, but Saudi Arabia is in fact targeting Iran's infrastructure within the Middle Eastern theater. This is mostly because Saudi Arabia feels deceived by the United States and has lost confidence in the United States' ability to influence the region towards a mutual Saudi-American agenda.

Saudi Arabia pulled out of US talks with Iran, and it is believed that the other gulf countries will begin a more outspoken pushback towards US policy in the region.

Realizing that the US is losing a big ally in the Middle East, the United States planned to host several Arab nations at Camp David. However, Saudi Arabia's King Salman has stated that he will not be going, and it is very unlikely that he will change his mind. The entire purpose of this meeting was for the Obama Administration to repair relations with Saudi Arabia. However, this is no longer a possibility.

The United States needs to realize that it was a mistake to negotiate with Iran. Iran has no interest in stopping their nuclear program but has an interest in relaxing economic sanctions and seizing US capital. Another cultural clash is that America's loyal ally, Saudi Arabia, feels disrespected and deceived over the Iran talks and is not interested in making up with the current Obama administration. Hopefully, these issues can be remedied within the next executive administration and the United States can repair relations with old allies instead of fall into a trap with an old enemy.

Government of Battaleon Solidifies Petroleum Deal with Battastan

Le Duck de Beri & Cheikh Quaqbari

As Battaleon is vigorously overlooking the hot conflict between China and Battaland in Versailles Palace, the economic demand both civilly and militarily for petroleum has not settled. Comte Vitor Quacstierre, the Duck de Beri and Minister of Foreign Affairs, was sent by Battaleon to the remote areas of Battastan to make an agreement with the petroleum companies there.

"Battaland is a Nation of 1001 Lakes. But today our people demand oil and not water." Said the Duck de Beri.

The Duck de Beri has finalized terms for the import of 2 million barrels of petroleum a day into Battaland from Battastan's largest oil producer, Cooperative Petroleum. Cheikh Moustapha Quaqbari, CEO of Cooperative Petroleum, has created a joint venture with Battaland and is reissuing his corporate stock under the name Batta Cooperative Petroleum Union.

"We are looking forward to working for many years with the ducks north of the desert" said Cheikh Quaqbari, who is also the prince of the region.

Battaland believes that petroleum will help in developing an industrial advantage in the area. Many factories run on nuclear power, which is very costly. But critics of petroleum say that Battaland should be investing more in nuclear power.

"Nuclear power is the future. The elements have so much energy, we need to invest in putting smaller amounts of uranium and plutonium to work for the benefit of creating low emission effective energy."

For the time being, petroleum will be the life blood of Battaland and is bringing Battastan closer together with its neighbor.

Battaland Petroleum, or BP, is currently the only chartered agency to import and distribute oil in Battaland. It is a government organization, chaired by the Duck de Beri.

Marine LePen Reclaims Prague in Millenial "Anschluss"

Marine in Prague

As part of Marine LePen's plan to return France to her former day of glory, the politician has made a special trip to Prague. Prague, and more particularly the Sudetenland, are historically part of the Empire of Charlemagne and were hosted by both Napoleon and the French Resistance in the Second World War.

Marine believes that Prague should allow itself to become a protectorate of New France, and under her regime she will restore to Prague the rights and benefits of French Citizenship.

She has also thought of a new name for the neo-classical city : Frague. "We must combine the rich and cultured histoire of France with the former French city of Prague, We shall call you Frague"

Critics of Marine say that she is not the president of France and therefore should not be issuing edicts to take control of other countries. Marine counters that Frague is not another country but a part of the Empire Francais that has been separated by the German threat.

"The only reason why Frague is not a part of France today is because of Islamic immigration to Europe." Marine commented.

We asked several people in Prague if they were ready to become a part of France, but all were surprised and did not consider the question seriously. "We are Czech. We are not French and do not have plans to be French" said Alice Jostasa, a resident of Prague, "France? We just ended a relationship with Slovakia and are not about to start one with France. We don't even use Euros here!" Said Guaso Clivor, Prague resident.

 Marine will be returning to Paris in a week