London - Enough is Enough! We can tolerate Immigrants bringing their Culture and Religion but NOT their Weather!

London - Temperatures soar to nearly 37 degrees. Water is evaporating. Train Tracks are melting. Cars are too hot to get inside. Camels are thirsty. London is a hot mess, and as the 14th day of record breaking heat comes upon the city that once knew rain, the British public point the finger of blame to those responsible : Immigrants.

Typical London Neighborhood

At first, the British population was happy ---except Birmingham-- to be filled with an influx of multiculturalism from across the former empire. It was a treat to now have Pakistani and Indian food on every block. Kabobs became as popular a take out food as fish and chips.

After a certain level of comfort, the immigrant population in London began making religious demands. They wanted to celebrate their holidays in schools, and also ensure that they had access to special dietary laws. This included burning down several supermarkets that sold pork.

Then, there were demands to practice public executions and beheadings. A common practice back home, which the British government was more than happy to permit. Fortunately, the new immigrant population had no problem with the free socialized government handouts practiced by the British government --something not available in their former countries -- to which the immigrant population has adapted to.

Typical London Street

However, besides adapting to free government handouts, the immigrant population has not adapted to anything else in Britain -- Including the weather!

Now, the immigrant population in London may have gone too far. Immigrants from Southeast Asia have decided to bring their weather with them.

"The rain was too much here, so we decided to bring the 37 degree sun of Karachi to Londonistan" said Khan, a community leader.

But is London (or as some say, Londonistan) ready for the foreign sun? Some say no. The ministers of Agriculture and also of Energy are now strongly advising David Cameron to take action. "Look, if we do not stop the immigrants now from bringing their weather, our farms will die and our nuclear power plants will overheat and explode."

No action is being taken at this time. Britain is preparing for a hot summer!

Quacbec Day in Battaland!

Only the bakeries remain open as the entire city of Quacbec closes for its biggest holiday of the year : Quacbec Day.

Children fill the parks, quacking for joy, as the schools are closed and the lakes are open. For 463 years, Quacbec has been an active and powerful city within the region. Original settlers, ducks seeking a way west from Europe to India, landed into this giant and majestic lake over which the city is founded.

It was not always easy. Warring tribes of nomadic geese attacked the settlers from Europe. In addition, the cold and harsh winter caused many of the original ducks to perish. Quacbec was not always a land of corn and plenty. While the population of Quacbec now can handle quite well the affects of bad weather, the geese still cause trouble to the local populations of ducks.

Early Settlers of Quacbec

The ancien regime began in the 13th year of Quacbec, when the family of Battalouis came to power to reign over the colony. And after 200 years, Elisabeth sent a fleet of 30 ships filled with soldiers to conquer the city. However, Battalouis XIV (Le Quac Soleil) used heavy artillery to defeat the British forces. For this, Battalouis XIV was known as a national hero and he also aided the settlement of Battarouge in Louisiana.

And although defeating the British before landing at the city, Quacbec has seen its share of violence in the last few decades. The family of Battalouis began raising taxes to fund extravagant and ridiculous projects. This upset the population of Battaland and resulted in riots as even the smallest crumbs of bread became impossible to find. Expressions like "donne moi mais" or "give me corn" became a battle cry of the liberty demanded by the people.

Allegedly, Marine Antionette Al-Battataberg, the queen of Quacbec was so cold hearted that when her advisors said the citizens are begging for crumbs of bread she retorted "pfff tell them to go buy cake"

Through the protests, two major groups emerged. One was a nationalist group for liberty, equality, and democracy (Les TriColours) headed by Battaleon and the other was the Communist Party, headed by Quack Marx.

Battaleon agreed to make peace and unite with Quack Marx, on the condition that there would be open elections and that the monarchy be abolished but given rights as equal citizens. Quack Marx agreed, but after assuming power the Communist party betrayed Battaleon. They began a series of executions --and banished Battaleon from Quacbec. King Battalouis XVI, his wife, his 4 daughters and 1 son, were led into a basement in Yqauckterinaberg, and shot by a firing squad.

However, the violence of the Communist Party and betrayal of Battaleon led to a change in fates. The people rose up and took down the Communist party, Quack Marx was lead to a guillotine and beheaded. This led for the return of the monarchy with Battalouis's younger brother ascending the throne as Battalouis XVIII.

At first, Quacbec was satisfied that they had a king and a democracy at the same time. Battaland was never yet a constitutional monarchy. However, Battalouis XVIII was selfish and weak as a leader. He entered into negotiations with Elisabeth who still wanted to claim all of Quacbec for her own. Battalouis was about to concede several provinces in exchange for peace when Elisabeth sent an invasion force to take Quacbec by force.

Elisabeth inspecting Invasion Force

Many Quacbecois perished in the bombing of their city. The king hid, and his generals (trained by Battaleon) put together a small force to retaliate. This underhanded and sneaky attack by Elisabeth is known as the "Pearl Harbor" of Quacbec and has a memorial service to this day every December 11th. The army of Battalouis retaliated, however the force raised was large and required heavy supply and payment which Battalouis would not put aside his lavish projects of grandeur to fund.

Within a year, as heavy taxing returned, the people demanded a change to the oppression in Quacbec. Battaleon boarded a plane to Battarouge and landed in Quacbec. Without any opposition, Battaleon came to power over Quacbec and Battalouis fled away. In later times, the king returned under the leadership of Marine LeQuac who began a regional war.

First Secret Nuclear Reactor in Quacbec

One of Quacbec's greatest accomplishments was being the first  nation of ducks to utillize nuclear energy. Tensions arose between the British and Battaleon, which led the Quacbec ministry of energy to build secret nuclear energy facilities. They were covered up in such a way that the British would not recognize the facilities as military targets.

Besides nuclear energy, Quacbec is rich in phosphorous and is said to have one of the best cuisines in the world. On Quacbec day, bakeries are open and serving up a wide variety of pastries including cake -- which is done to remember the words of queen Marine Antionette Al-Battataberg.

On the more risky side of things, tourists are warned to be very careful and alert. While Quacbec is a first world city and one of the safest places to live in the world, it is not perfect and tourists are easy targets. Famous stories of masterful pick pockets and brilliant art forgers have come from Quacbec. In fact, Hollywood (the capital of Umrika) estimates that more than 50% of all international jewel thieves com from Quacbec.

A Batta Stealing from a Touriste

Why is crime so prevalent? It is very unclear but only happens to tourists. Within the country, it is rare that any crime (besides genocide) has ever been committed.

Tonight, the skies will be filled with fireworks and festivities. There will be a parade throughout the city today with Battaleon as the Coeure de Festivities. In years passed, the role was given to a duck selected to be the "Bacchus" of the parade and had control over the wine servers. Who would get which wine, and when. Today that practice is frowned upon as Quacbec is a majority muslim city.

Quacbec Day is a widely celebrated holiday and the most important day to the citizens of the city. Come to Quacbec and celebrate the rich history, culture and cuisine of the land!